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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939708">Maybe This Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost1nParad1se/pseuds/Lost1nParad1se'>Lost1nParad1se</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Clarke makes it on the Ark, Domestic Fluff, Echo is a good friend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Healing, John Murphy is a softie, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Praimfaya 3.0 does not happen, Rough Sex, Sharing a Bed, Slow Romance, Smut, Unrequited Love, but dont tell him that</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:13:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost1nParad1se/pseuds/Lost1nParad1se</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin makes it back in time for the launch, and bringing along a whole bunch of emotional baggage and trauma-- as well as an unfortunate unrequited love for her best friend who is with her other best friend. </p>
<p>John Murphy has just broken up with Emori, and is in need of some relief. Thankfully, Clarke is just right next door, and so the two engage in 'Casual Sex' with definitely no feelings attached. </p>
<p>But when has that ever worked?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/John Murphy, Echo/Emori (The 100), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>201</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke made it.</p><p> </p><p>She’d actually made it.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure she’d ever ran as hard as she’d had, but she made it.</p><p> </p><p>She survived Praimfaya, and now they’re going to spend five years of their lives back up in space.</p><p> </p><p>She half-expected to not make it, because when had life ever been good to her? But then, that screen said ‘<em>Dish Aligned’</em>, and she ran as fast as she could so she could get back to them, to Bellamy who’d most likely refuse to go without her.</p><p> </p><p>She knew it wouldn’t be easy. She knew that she’d get hurt, because she’d be spending her five years watching Bellamy and Raven look at each other with heart eyes, knowing that she was the one she wanted Bellamy to look at like that, but she’d make it.</p><p> </p><p>Fake it ‘till you make it, right?</p><p> </p><p>But it didn’t matter, because they’re alive. They’re together. They’re a family, and they’d make it work. Clarke would just have to hold on to her feelings, keep them locked tight, and make sure that the pain in her eyes would be less visible in her eyes whenever she was around the <em>couple.</em></p><p> </p><p>But because <em>one good thing </em>simply could not happen twice in a row, because just as things were starting to settle, Raven finds out. She finds out that Clarke’s been hopelessly in love with Bellamy Blake ever since they’d arrived on Earth. There was nothing Clarke could do, but give up on her feelings.</p><p> </p><p>How could she not? Raven’s smart, beautiful, funny, strong, and everything Bellamy deserves. He definitely did not need the Commander of Death, the girl who killed her boyfriend, and got her girlfriend killed. Everything that Clarke loves ends up leaving, or being left. That was just Clarke’s human nature.</p><p> </p><p>So, when a bad breakup between Emori and Murphy happens, and Murphy decides to spend his days on the other side of the Ring, Clarke decides to join him.</p><p> </p><p>Two cockroaches sharing the same space, what could go wrong?</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Amidst the first couple of months back on the Ark, Clarke's still trying to get over the events of Earth.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Are you in love with Bellamy?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Those were the exact words that Clarke heard. Two months into their new lives, Raven confronted her with her beautiful, doe eyes, and Clarke came tumbling down, pathetically apologizing for her <em>feelings, </em>as though it was her own fault that she loved him.</p><p> </p><p>Inside, Clarke wanted to challenge the older girl. She wanted to tell her that if even an ounce of Bellamy liked her, she’d take him from her. But, she couldn’t say that. Not when Raven isn’t covered in blood she could drown in it like Clarke was— not when Clarke had been the one to take away her only family.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Clarke. It’s not your fault that you fell for him. I mean, he’s so easy to love. I get it.” This girl was perfect, so perfect that Clarke was miles away from even coming close to her, so she gives up.</p><p> </p><p>Which brings her back to the present. The present where she is currently suffering from insomnia and the nightmares that plagued her sleep, and unable to get her thoughts in order enough to even focus on one. She’d turned enough in her bed that the corners of the fitted sheets came up, her blanket laid on the ground beside her bed.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes closes in on the deck of cards that sat on her nightstand, and in a last minute decision, she climbs out of her bed and open the door, heading over to the door beside hers and gently knocking on it.</p><p> </p><p>“If your name begins with an E and ends with an I, leave. If it’s B, get lost. If it’s C, come in because you’ve already kept me awake from your constant moving.” </p><p>Clarke timidly opens the door, ignoring the fact that John Murphy laid on the bed without a shirt on, and sat on the foot of his bed.</p><p> </p><p>“What, can’t sleep again, Princess?” The man asks, and Clarke gives him an exasperated sigh, shaking her head and pressing her forehead against the pole of his bunkbed.</p><p> </p><p>“Then what offering do you have this time for preventing me from sleeping too?” Clarke smiles, holding up the cards, and a bar of chocolate she’d found on one of her excursions exploring what was left of the bedrooms.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit. In that case, let’s stay up all night and have a sleepover. We can braid each other’s hair… or I can braid yours, and let’s talk all about our boy problems.” Clarke chuckles, sitting down on the ground while Murphy puts on a shirt and sits cross-legged in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke begins to hand out seven of the cards to each of them, placing the rest to the side as they looked at their cards.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what ails you today, your Highness?” Murphy asks, unwrapping the chocolate and popping one in his mouth. Clarke gives out yet another sigh, grabbing one herself and letting the taste of the rare delicacy envelop her taste buds.</p><p> </p><p>Growing up, eating things like chocolate were slim to none. Her mother, though she meant well, always hounded her for eating anything bad or considered ‘unhealthy’ by her standards— which pretty much meant anything other than vegetables were bad. Of course, Clarke wasn’t one to complain, because she knew she had it better than most of the kids around her. However, Clarke still would’ve liked to experience a childhood where her mother didn’t constantly expect so much from her.</p><p> </p><p>“You got any twos?” Murphy hands her a 2 of Spade, and Clarke places her pair down.</p><p> </p><p>“Fives?”</p><p> </p><p>“Here. I don’t know. I just can’t sleep I guess. Usually, I sleep when I try hard enough and just let the nightmares run its course, but I can’t seem to do that today. Threes?” Murphy hums in acknowledgement.</p><p> </p><p>“Go Fish. Does it have anything to do with the fact that Monty and Harper were teasing the Braven couple that they were having sex too loud last night? I need a seven.” Clarke groans, replaying the memory in her brain as she chews on a piece of chocolate.</p><p> </p><p>“Go fish. I don’t know. Maybe? I mean, it’s fine. They’re a couple. They love each other. They should be able to enjoy themselves, and I can’t just make them stop just because I’m not comfortable with it. Even if I do say something, Raven would probably think I’m trying to sabotage their relationship.” Clarke puts down her cards, and Murphy immediately follows, knowing that this would be one of those times where Clarke would recount all of her sins and go on a spiel about how she doesn’t deserve Bellamy.</p><p> </p><p>Which, she does. It was Bellamy who didn’t deserve her, but Murphy wouldn’t say that out loud.</p><p> </p><p>They lean against Murphy’s bed, and seemingly as though she didn’t realize it herself, she placed her head on Murphy’s shoulder. The man remained unmoving. They’ve spent enough time the past two months to be comfortable with each other enough to remain platonic.</p><p> </p><p>“Before you say anything, that man is stupid. I thought he was dumb before, but I can’t believe he’s that dumb after you basically told him you loved him before we left. Everyone can clearly see he feels something for you, but he’s too much of a coward to even admit that. The thing he has with Raven is purely physical, and for the convenience.” Clarke sighed, closing her eyes as she hums quietly. It was something she did when she was deep in though, and Murphy didn’t seem to mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. It hurts too much to think about them, so I’m just not going to think about. I’m tired.” Murphy gives a small smile, nudging Clarke to pull away.</p><p> </p><p>“Then go to sleep, Princess. Your bed’s right next door.” Clarke groans, shaking her head. She was far too tired to get up and walk the few meters to her room, and his bed was way too comfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever happened to the sleepover? Thought you were going to braid my hair?” The man gives a quiet chuckle, patting at Clarke’s head and moving to clean up the abandoned cards.</p><p> </p><p>“Deal’s off. I’m tired, and I want to get some sleep before Echo trains us some more tomorrow.” Clarke groans again, and before Murphy could say anything, plops herself down on his queen-sized bed— something that the two had argued over because it was the only queen-sized bed in their side of the Ring.</p><p> </p><p>“But your bed’s so nice, and the temperature in my room’s all wonky. I still need to talk to Raven about that. Can’t I just stay here?” Murphy pauses for a moment, stares at Clarke’s back, before sighing.</p><p> </p><p>He heads over to the bed, pushes Clarke lightly so she moves closer to the wall, and Murphy lays down beside her. It was quiet, save for Clarke’s quiet breathing, and Murphy’s terribly beating heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke?” He says quietly, hoping that there was no reply.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. If you snore, I’m shoving a pillow in your face.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Murphy? Murphy, wake up! Clarke’s gone!”</p><p> </p><p>Thank god he’d locked the door last night, so he gets up quietly, pulling the blanket up over Clarke’s messy blonde hair, and walks over to the door to open it just enough so his head peaks through.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell, Bellamy? Can’t you disturb someone else’s sleep for once?” Murphy growls out, obviously not liking the intrusion of his sleep, and Bellamy rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s almost noon. And Clarke’s not in her room. Do you know where she is?” The sleep-deprived man could barely feel his eyes widen slightly, before his annoyed face returns.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t fucking know, Bellamy. I’m not the girl’s bodyguard. Did you check the med bay? That’s usually where she goes when she wants to be alone, which therefore would also mean she doesn’t want to be disturbed. Thus, let it go and go do your girlfriend or something.” Bellamy pauses for a moment, looking at Murphy hard, and the other man realizes that he’d just revealed something about Clarke that even <em>Bellamy </em>didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>John Murphy felt proud.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. Thanks. Sorry for disturbing your sleep, but you should know that we’re going to be eating soon, so you might want to get ready.” Murphy gives the man a loud groan, rolling his eyes but nods his head in response. Bellamy nods, then walks away.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn. Didn’t know you had such a fiery temper in the morning. Remind me not to get on your bad side.” A voice from under the sheet says, and Murphy chuckles, yanking the blankets off of the girl.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve already been on my bad side, Princess. Didn’t seem to stop you from climbing into my bed now.” Clarke flushes, hastily getting up from the bed and grabbing the wrapped chocolate bar before sprinting to her room.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Clarke, I’ve been looking all over for you.” Clarke turns around, seeing Bellamy behind her, and she gives him a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. I just went out for a walk.” She didn’t want to say that she woke up way too late than she usually did, and that the reason was that she was sleeping in Murphy’s <em>bed, </em>wrapped up in his warmth.</p><p> </p><p>No, that was definitely not what he needed to know. In fact, she quite liked having this little secret between her and Murphy, a little space of their own where they could feel comfortable and free to share their feelings. Even now, in the two months they’ve been here, she felt closer to Murphy than she’d been with anyone else. However, her and Bellamy’s relationship was different, so she couldn’t say she was closer with Murphy than she was with Bellamy.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, okay. Didn’t know you spent so much time at the med bay. Murphy told me.” Clarke shrugged, wanting to remain as nonchalant as she could, because she loved and hated the fact that Bellamy was so interested in what she did.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It helps me feel closer to my mom. Plus, she left some medical books there, so I’ve been studying up on that, just to make sure that I’ll be prepared if something happens to any of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Bellamy nods, then pauses, his eyebrows furrowing in thought before he looked behind him and sees Murphy walk into the ‘living room’. He held a book in his hand, and is most likely preparing to read it.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you teach Murphy too? That way, you have an assistant, and if you got sick or something, someone else would know what to do to take care of you?” Clarke only nods, distracted at the way Murphy quirked his eyebrows up and down behind Bellamy. Unable to control it, she gives a light chuckle, and Bellamy looks behind at Murphy who went back to looking down at his book.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll talk to him. Thanks, Bell.” Clarke walks forward, her eyes set on the dark-haired man who was trying to look invested in his book, but the blonde could tell that he was just trying to listen in on their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Bell?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re okay, right? We’re family?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we are.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The group sat in the living room, their gazes set on the television. Raven had managed to scroll through the Ark’s media archive, and found many old shows from before the first Praimfaya. They were currently watching Friends now, and Murphy seems way too into the show.</p><p> </p><p>“Personally, I prefer Rachel and Joey. Ross is a hypocrite, and I think he’s just holding Rachel back.” Murphy chimes in, and everyone visibly groan. He never shut up about how Ross and Rachel were the worst couple.</p><p> </p><p>“But they love each other so much. Joey would just be a fling, and she’d go right back to Ross.” Harper responds, and Murphy rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke, who is wedged in between Murphy and Bellamy, with Raven cuddled on his side, giggled at the self-proclaimed cockroach. Murphy heard her laughter, and turned his head away to look down at Clarke.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s so funny, Princess?” He whispers, mirth clear in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing. I’ve never seen you so worked up over something like that. Too bad that Joey guy is dead, otherwise I wouldn’t put it past you to shack it up with him.” The blonde whispers back, and Murphy grins down at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on, you’d totally do him. I think you prefer bad boys. Someone you can’t control, and someone you can give up control to. Ross is way too soft for you.” Clarke didn’t reply, not because she didn’t have a witty remark, but because she couldn’t deny the statement.</p><p> </p><p>Lexa was someone she couldn’t control. At least, not in the way that mattered. She was independent, headstrong, and she knew what she needed to do for her people. Maybe if she hadn’t died, if the bullet had missed even a single centimetre, it would be different. Finn, on the other hand, could read Clarke like an open book. There was nothing to control, because the guy would immediately know what she needed whenever she needed it, and would always be at her beck and call.</p><p> </p><p>But Bellamy. That was another story. From the very first day, Bellamy was her foil. Everything she did, Bellamy did the opposite.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The heart and the head.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She’d never imagined to fall in love with him, not because she knew she’d end up getting hurt, but there was something about him that she gravitated to. The strength that she could not find in herself, she found in him. Raven was right— Bellamy was so easy to love. It didn’t help that he had so much love to give, that one sweet action could make Clarke spiral out of control. It was just so easy to stop being the hard leader with him, so easy to just break down and cry, because she knew Bellamy would never hold it against her. She didn’t like to give up control, but Bellamy was someone who she could give it up for.</p><p> </p><p>Now, he had Raven. It wasn’t a surprise, given how close they’ve gotten the past few months, but it didn’t hurt any less. Maybe this was karma. Clarke stole Finn away from her, and Raven stole Bellamy from her. But it wouldn’t be called stealing if Clarke never had him in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” A voice whispers beside her, and she turns to him, her eyes wet and blurry, and he immediately knew.</p><p> </p><p>“Think I’m heading to bed now.” He stands up, and Clarke mirrors him.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, me too.”</p><p> </p><p>They hastily make their way over to their side, and Clarke tries hard to not just break down. She didn’t want their friends to hear her crying, but it was so weird that she was fine with Murphy, of all people, to hear. When they made it to Murphy’s door, Clarke ran to his bed and fell face first, her tears beginning to soak through the pillow. Murphy was at her side, rubbing her back soothingly as she began to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not okay and I don’t know how to be okay. I thought I could somehow bury everything down. That if I saw them enough, everything would stop hurting, but then I keep thinking of how she deserves him, because I killed the only family she had left. That they both deserved each other, because I’m <em>Wanheda</em>, and I don’t deserve anyone.” Clarke cries out, sitting up and burying her face in his neck. Murphy reaches up, running his hand through her hair, as he begins to hum quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, Princess. You need time. I think we both just need time. I can’t believe we’re stuck in Space with my ex and your unrequited love. But it’s going to be fine. We stick together, and we’ll get through it together.” As he continuous running his hand through Clarke’s hair, his fingers got stuck on one of the knots at the end of her hair. Her head was filled with them.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what we need? Haircuts. I read that people who go through a break up change their hair, and their pain magically goes away. You up for it?” Clarke’s finally stopped sobbing uncontrollably, and the thought of a new change seemed incredibly enticing. She pulls away, immediately missing the heat his body gave, but she tried hard not to dwell on it too much because she could still feel his hand on her hair as he looks down at her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m cool with that.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. My. God. Darling, you look amazing!” Clarke busts out laughing as Murphy finishes her hair, doing a Janice impersonation. The man laughs along with her, still copying Janice’s laugh, and Clarke could only laugh even harder.</p><p> </p><p>They both now sported two shorter hairstyles, with Clarke’s stopping short just under her chin. It was a good look, and Clarke didn’t know why she’d doubted Murphy in the first place for deciding what to do with her hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Next time, we should totally get matching tattoos. Emori’s pretty good with tattoos.” Clarke chuckles, shaking her head at Murphy’s ridiculous idea, but deep down she knew she wouldn’t object. Murphy had a weird influence on her, and she liked the thrill of doing something new for once.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that’s too much spontaneity for one night. How about we hold off onto that for next time we get another breakdown.” Murphy sighs, nodding defeatedly and plopping himself down on his bed.</p><p> </p><p>“You want to stay the night?” He asks suddenly, and Clarke looks up alarmed, staring at Murphy with a perplexed look.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not like I’m going to do anything. Not if you don’t want to, that is. I kind of missed having a warm body beside me, and as you can see, Emori probably wouldn’t be down for that.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke couldn’t help but agree. Last night had been one of the best nights she’d had in a long time, if ever. She liked having someone hold her close, to give her a sense of security and let her know that she didn’t have to sleep with one eye open anymore. It was a luxury that she’d never gotten before. So, she nodded her head slowly, and climbs onto the same spot last night— beside the wall with Murphy on the her left.</p><p> </p><p>It was awkward at first. Last night she’d knocked out before the thought of awkwardness even settled in her mind, but now she was wide awake. Wide awake with a fairly attractive man beside her. It would probably help if the lights were on, but darkness surrounded them, and Clarke couldn’t distract herself by looking at the ceiling or something that looked even remotely interesting. They laid side-by-side on their backs, and Clarke could tell Murphy could feel the same awkwardness.</p><p> </p><p>“So, this was probably a lot more awkward than I’d anticipated.” Murphy spoke up against the darkness, and Clarke could only give a nervous chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? Turn on your side and face the wall.” Clarke was confused, but did as told.</p><p> </p><p>Her body grows tense as her ears pick up movement and fabric ruffling. Suddenly, strong arms wraps around her waist. Hot breaths appeared on the nape of her neck, sending shivers down her body. In a weird way, she liked the feel of it. The warmth that his body gave her could almost penetrate the coldness she felt in her heart—as cliched as that sounded. She liked the intimacy of the moment, and it was one thing she’d always wanted Bellamy to do for her, but she guessed the man beside her would do just fine. Soon enough, she could feel herself dosing off.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Princess.”</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, John.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a few disclaimers: the timeline of this fic will be all over the place, so please just bare with me! I try to reply on all comments, so I will gladly answer any confusion. I'll also do my best to establish the writing in a way that isn't confusing. </p><p>Also, this is not a slow burn. Well, in terms of them acting like a 'couple' that is. But you know how it is. Pining and angst are the languages of the universe. Also, I like smut, so I like to write them lol. I have about 10% of the story written and I have a job, so updates will not be frequent. </p><p>Lastly, please enjoy this book! I have very big plans for this, and I like very long stories haha. Don't forget to comment because it also helps me keep myself motivated, and that I really love reading the comments even if they are CONSTRUCTIVE criticism!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Murphy seeks relief, and it just so happens Clarke does too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a note: These chapters are lightly edited. Do expect some mistakes, and if something doesn't seem right, lemme know!</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well, don’t you two look dashing?” Raven speaks up just as the two walk inside the living room. A couple of whoops from Echo and Emori sounds, along with whistles from Monty and Harper.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke gives a shy smile, and she could just tell Murphy is smirking proudly beside her, obviously his ego being <em>extremely </em>inflated by the admiration of his work. Her eyes meet Bellamy, who had an odd look in his eye that she couldn’t understand, but he’d already turned away as soon as their eyes met.</p><p> </p><p>“That reminds me. I should also get a haircut soon. Care to give me one, Clarke? You seemed to do just find with Murphy.” Monty asks, and Clarke turns around, smiling at the man who sat on the couch with Harper.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Just let me know when.” Monty grins and nodded his head, turning back to talk with Harper.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what’s on the agenda today?” Murphy asks, and the two turn to Bellamy who is talking closely with Raven. They turn back, looked at each other once more, then shrug.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, really. Raven’s already checked the systems to make sure everything’s running smoothly. Honestly? Just do whatever the hell you want.” Clarke gives the freckled man a grin, remembering those sentences from a time that seemed <em>ages </em>ago. At a time where their only worry was the Ark coming down after them. Simpler times where death wasn’t a frequent visitor.</p><p> </p><p>“Now see I think I’m starting to like this Space Bellamy. What do you say we go exploring thosejail cells, Clarke?”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke shrugs and follow after Murphy out of the door. She didn’t mind exploring, as last time she’d found a hidden chocolate bar in one of the rooms before. They rounded a corner, and Clarke was hit with familiarity. She was surprised at how many cells were left when the Ark came down, and she could see a familiar door at the end of the hallway. She briskly walked over with Murphy tailing behind her. As she got closer, she could see a tiny drawing of a flower on the door, and she gave a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Was that your cell?” Murphy asks, and Clarke turns back with a smile and a nod.</p><p> </p><p>She pushes open the door, and it gave a small creak as it did. Immediately, she sees the walls lined with her drawings, her unmade bed, and a piece of charcoal still on the floor from when the guards had so abruptly took her out of her room. It was as though time stopped inside the room, and everything remained as it was until time returned when she came back.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. I knew you were crazy, but not <em>this </em>crazy. You drew all of these?” Murphy asks, observing one of the drawings of trees.</p><p> </p><p>“There wasn’t much to do when you’re in solitary, Murphy. What did you do with the time you had?” Clarke asked, sitting down on her rock hard bed, looking at Murphy who didn’t take his eyes off of her drawings.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I slept. Ate. Complained about my life. Ate. Slept. Repeat. I didn’t have the luxury of someone sneaking in something for me to do, Princess.”</p><p> </p><p>There it was again. The implication of Clarke’s ‘privilege’. She hated that. While she did have a good upbringing, her life was far from perfect. Her mother turned in her father, which resulted in her father getting floated, and her being locked up. Her mother was willing to send her down on a possibly uninhabitable planet, along with ninety-nine other criminals. Her first love was killed by her own hand, her great love was killed because of her, and she’d had to make so many sacrifices for the sake of her people. She bore the burden of the world, so that her people didn’t have to, and all she received was judgement and anger.</p><p> </p><p>So often times, she’d thought about what it would feel like to just <em>stop, </em>to stop trying to save those who don’t want her to save them, to maybe act selfish for once and be happy, but it all came down to the fact that people <em>expected </em>her to do the impossible. To make the impossible choices. So many instances where she could get angry; to ask them why they expected an eighteen-year-old to decide someone else’s fate. She wanted to ask them why they were so willing to feed her to the wolves, and then get angry when she killed those wolves. Did they not expect her to make it out alive? Expect her to give up because that was the easiest thing to do?</p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t realize it when a tear slips down her cheeks. Didn’t notice the quivering of her lips, the shaking of her hand. She didn’t realize it when Murphy presses her head against his chest, muttering apologies and comfort. Maybe this was one of those times where when you ate so much sugar, you’d get so hyper, and then crash. She’s pretty sure the only reason she got through the past year was because of adrenaline, and now she was starting to feel those wounds. Now that people didn’t constantly expect her to save them, she’d finally be able to save herself. Now that was a thought. She wondered when her friends would realize, and call her selfish.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just so tired. I’m so tired of making the impossible choices. I’m so tired of people thinking I’m as strong as they want me to be. I’m tired of putting others before me. I’m so sick of loving someone, and feeling like I don’t deserve them. And I’m so tired of thinking that I deserve that. I want to be happy. Is that so hard?” Words came out like waves out of her shaking form, her heart throbbed, and her brain hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you can be happy, Princess. You <em>deserve </em>to be happy. I know I haven’t been the best supporter of you. Hell, I was probably first in the Anti-Clarke train, and I’m sorry. You deserve the fucking world, whatever is left of it anyway. When we come down, I swear I’ll make sure that you live the rest of your life <em>happy</em>. You can get as far away from everyone, and you can have that happy ending.” Empty promises, Clarke thought. She couldn’t have empty promises. Lexa promised her happiness, and then she died. She couldn’t afford any more false hope.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived back at the living room, everyone was sat once again on the couches. If they saw Clarke’s tear-stricken face, or her swollen eyes, they didn’t say anything. Definitely ignored Murphy’s also tear-stricken face, too. So, they watched Friends in silence, and everyone was relieved that Murphy didn’t have anything else to say, because Joey and Rachel did end up breaking up.</p><p> </p><p>Around the middle of the Tenth season, Clarke could feel herself succumbing to fatigue. Crying her eyes out for probably hours did that. She excuses herself, and Murphy follows after her. They ignore the questioning glances their friends made, ignored the way Bellamy practically seared holes through Murphy’s shirt as they shuffled back to their side of the Ring.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? No judgement whatsoever, I promise. I know I’m not the best listener, and you’d rather have someone else, but I’m here.” Clarke turns around, smiling gratefully at Murphy, and proceeded to continue on in their way to their rooms.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t bother going to Murphy’s room this time, and went straight to her room. To say today had been hard would be an understatement. It was as though every pain she’d tried so hard to repress for so long finally came tumbling down, and it all went full circle that seeing that tiny, grey room would be the one to trigger it.Even then, she had never broken down like that. Not even when her father died, not even with Bellamy or anyone else. She felt pathetic that it had been Murphy to see her like that— so weak and broken beyond repair.</p><p> </p><p>Despite feeling exhausted, Clarke couldn’t bring herself to sleep. For the past year or so, sleep had become an escape, and one that did not come frequently. So, she grabbed her sketchbook, and began to work the page with her feelings. Every stroke felt like a thorn falling off, and she didn’t notice the tear that somehow dropped at the bottom of the page, but Clarke didn’t mind because the drawing felt more real. Like what she was going through wasn’t something that needed to be pushed down. For so long, she’d forgotten what it felt like to draw, to be in touch with her younger, more innocent self, but now she could remember.</p><p> </p><p>She remembered when her father would gift her new pencils on her birthdays, and her mother sketchbooks whenever her old one ran out of room. She remembered the days where her and Wells would sit in her room, and the boy would be reading and her drawing him. She realized now that the people who used to take up her whole life were now dead, or too far to reach. Sure, she’d see Abby again in five years— but their relationship broke the day Clarke came down from the Ark. It was the cycle of life, she’d guessed. A life for a life, and Clarke had taken plenty of those.</p><p> </p><p><em>Wanheda. </em>Commander of death.</p><p> </p><p>Even if it was dark and twisted, she’d known for a long time that she’d do it again, if it resulted in her people alive and well. Maybe if she had more time, or had been smarter to think of a better way, things would be better, but nonetheless she would do it again. She’d bare the burden, so they didn’t have too— that was her mantra.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t realize when exactly she’d put down the pencil, or when she’d laid down on her bed, but sleep finally came, and Clarke couldn’t be any more happier. Her brain hurt from all of her thoughts, and it seemed that sleep would become her only reprieve from it all.</p><p> </p><p>That night, her nightmares were filled with the woman laying down on that giant fur bed, her beautiful brown eyes bored deep into her blue ones, and the woman recounted all of the promises and the lives she’d managed to destroy.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“So, I have a proposition to make. But I need you to be quiet while I talk. I don’t want a single word coming out of your mouth before I finish, and then you are free to say whatever, just as long as it doesn’t hurt my feelings.”</p><p> </p><p>It was another night, another day gone by with nothing but watching whatever Raven thought interesting, and eating less than pleasant food. Maybe she should be finding better ways to spend her five years in space, but she liked not doing anything. She liked hanging out with these strange group of people, even if one of them is someone she is in love with.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay?” Clarke replies, her back against the wall at the head of her bed. Murphy had abruptly barged into her room just as she was about to start drawing, and he looked way too determined to turn away, so Clarke decided that she had no choice but to listen to the man.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, good. Before you think of anything weird, this is strictly physical. While you are hot and you have… <em>assets </em>that I’m interested in. I don’t want a relationship right now, and frankly I don’t think I ever will. With that said, I’ve been wondering. I have needs, you have needs.” Clarke was beginning to see where this was going, and strangely, she became slightly interested.</p><p> </p><p>“And seeing as you’re still in love with Blake and I with Emori, maybe we could help each other out. We don’t have a lot of options, really. I think Emori and Echo are shacking it up. So, what do you say we engage in these stress-relieving excursions ourselves? We’re friends, and I’d even call you my best friend, but don’t feel too special because there’s not a whole line of people waiting to be my friend. Nothing has to change. We do it when it’s convenient, and there will be no strings attached. When we come down to Earth, and you decide you want some bunker butt, I won’t get mad and vice-versa. What do you say?” Murphy smiles, his hands splayed out on his side as though he had just made an excellent business presentation that would surely be successful.</p><p> </p><p>She was familiar with the concept. She’d seen movies about it during her two months in space, and she knew that it never worked. Murphy should know that too, if he actually payed attention when they watched romantic movies.</p><p> </p><p>“Friends with benefits? That’s your big idea? That never works, Murphy. That Mila Kunis girl can tell you that.” It was clear that he’d never watched that movie, because he looked at her in confusion, so Clarke sighed exasperatedly.</p><p> </p><p>“They decide to have sex because they’re lonely. It was good for a while, and then they start catching feelings. One way or another, that kind of thing never works.” The blonde explains, but Murphy didn’t seem interested in hearing it.</p><p> </p><p>“It does if you know there’s absolutely no chance we’ll fall for each other. I mean, you’re way too head over heels for Bellamy, and I’m pretty sure I’m done with all that romantic, falling in love shit. How about this. The moment we start to feel something, even anything remotely close to romantic feelings, we’ll stop. We won’t tell anyone, so even if we stop, it’ll be just like it never happened. Come on, Clarke. There’s nothing to do in this shit-hole, and we’re two energetic, young people who need some type of physical relief that’s not Echo constantly hammering bruises in our bodies.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to admit it, but the idea seems so tempting. She does have needs, and often times than not, every time she needed to fulfill those needs, she’d get inside her head and remember the fact that her lover died right after having sex with her. So, basically a bullet train to her vibe being ruined. She knew how to get herself off, but she didn’t do a great job at it. <em>Maybe, </em>what she needed was for someone to do it for her. Surely, there was no chance that she’d fall for Murphy. He wasn’t her type, and she certainly wasn’t his. Maybe she could imagine it being Bellamy while they did it, but that seems way too mean to be thinking of someone else while you’re having sex with another person.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What’s the worst that could happen?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? Let’s do it. Just promise me that you won’t fall in love with me, and I promise that I won’t fall in love with you. And we keep this a secret. Also, none of the extremely kinky stuff like BDSM. Also, no kissing outside of sex. It also has to be in your bed because mine is too small, and frankly, I do not want to have to keep washing my sheets every time we do it. Last thing, you have to pull out. My contraceptives expired months ago, and I do not want to get pregnant in space where it is not even remotely appropriate for children. Do you agree with these terms?” Murphy only smirked, and Clarke nods in approval.</p><p> </p><p>She gets up from her bed, looking up at the man who looks at her with lust-filled eyes, and she could feel herself growing small at the sheer intensity of his gaze. It was like the John Murphy before her suddenly transformed into a rabid animal with the way he looked at her. Everything was happening way too fast, but Clarke needed that. She knew herself well enough that if she was left marinating on the idea, she’d find ways to talk herself out of it.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how do you want to do this? Do you want to wait another time?” Clarke knew she was teasing. She knew that the man was definitely eager, and probably could not wait for <em>another time.</em></p><p> </p><p>“My room. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>They crash inside Murphy’s room, their lips clasped tightly against one another as Murphy locks the door behind them. He pushes Clarke against it, kissing her deeply as his hands run all over her body. Hot streaks of pleasure erupts inside Clarke when his fingers rub against Clarke’s sensitive nipples.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke gives a low moan once his hands settle on her breasts, and Murphy squeezes gently, rubbing the nipples between his thumb and forefinger through the fabric of her shirt. She didn’t bother wearing a bra because she’d already expected to be asleep by now, but she didn’t mind because she felt so <em>good. </em>It’s been so long since she’d been touched by someone else, and she didn’t realize how much she’d grown desperate for that type of closeness with someone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Your boobs are out of this world, Clarke.” The girl lets out a huffed giggle, but stopped once Murphy pulls her shirt off and dives right in to suck on her nipples.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh!” </em>Clarke drawls out, throwing her head back against the metal and closing her eyes from the pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>The movement wasn’t gentle by any means. No, it was like a Murphy hadn’t eaten in <em>months </em>and her breasts were the only food he’s had. The urgency and the roughness that his touch had were unlike doing it with Finn, or Lexa. It felt more like this was the last time they’d get to do it, and they were restricted by time. Tingles ran all over her spine, her back arching up at the sensitivity and her long fingers wrap themselves around the man’s unruly hair.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the intense gratification Murphy’s movements had on her breasts, Clarke began to grow impatient. So, she pulls up Murphy to yank his shirt off, running her hands over his toned chest and, surprisingly, abs.</p><p> </p><p>“A little eager, aren’t we, Princess?” Clarke only rolls her eyes, pulling down Murphy once more to lock their lips. He pushes his tongue inside, and Clarke gladly let him explore every crevice of her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Their tongues dances together in search of dominance, neither letting go of that power which ironically, perfectly summarized their relationship. They were both very stubborn and headstrong people, and losing control wasn’t something that they sought on a regular bases. It was like two hunters fighting over game, and they weren’t letting up. It was urgency, passion, desperation and impatience all rolled into one action.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy reaches forward, pushing down Clarke’s sweatpants and running his hand under her underwear. She thanked her past self for throwing away her ragged underwear and that she’d found a bunch of fresh ones in the rooms. She gives a quiet whimper once his warm finger hits her core, the pad of his thumb pressing gently on her clit and giving it several rubs.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shit, Murphy.” Clarke moans out, clutching at Murphy’s shoulders as a single finger enters inside her all the while his thumb continues to tease her clit.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Clarke. You’re so wet. I think you’ve been secretly lusting over me all this time. Can’t believe you’re already soaked when we’ve barely started.” Clarke ignored the blush coming to her cheeks, giving out another moan as a second finger entered and he begins to pump in and out in a fast rhythm.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up. It’s been a long time.” Clarke manages to huff out, but she couldn’t control the loud moan that escapes her as Murphy dives in on her neck, giving out gentle pecks and then harsh sucks. Clarke knew it would likely leave marks, and she’d just have to wear a turtle neck and leave her hair down for a few days because no way is she going to stop <em>this.</em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Murphy pulls his hand away just before Clarke reaches her peak, pulling down her underwear. She steps out of them, and follows Murphy to his bed. She watches him with tentative gazes as he pulls down his sweatpants, watching as the bulge on his boxers became apparent, and then she could feel her breath escaping her as he pulls down his underwear and <em>fuck, </em>he was big. Bigger than Finn, which was pretty much the only experience she’d had with a dick. Silently, she wondered if it would fit inside her, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it because now Murphy’s pushing her down to the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“You ready, Princess?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. If you want me to stop at anytime, you let me know and we’ll stop.”</p><p> </p><p>He pushes inside of her slowly, and Clarke reaches up, pulling down his head and giving him a heated kiss as the burn inside her intensifies. It did fit, but a small sliver of fear appeared at the thought that she could be ripped apart by his size. Murphy brought his hand down, rubbing at her clit, and it helped ease the burn. He pushes in ever so slightly, giving out deep breaths as he looks down at her. Clarke gives out a groan, her head rolling back as her mouth opens in bliss. Suddenly, Murphy quickly thrusts up, successfully burying himself fully inside her.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy presses his lips on her throat, sucking and licking at her skin as he settles inside her, unmoving to let her adjust. His hands caress her body, giving gentle squeezes on her breasts and nipples while he mutters quiet encouragement.</p><p> </p><p>“You feel so good, Clarke. God, you’re so tight. Why did we not do this sooner.” He mumbles, running his hand on her messy hair.</p><p> </p><p>After a while, the pain subsided and what came is a deep pleasure that she’d never felt before. She gives a slight nod, and Murphy takes that as cue to keep moving. She realizes then that he’d probably been holding it for so long, because they didn’t go slow. It wasn’t as if she expected a man like John Murphy to be gentle for their first time, but he is definitely eager. Murphy pounds in and out of her, pulling out almost completely and then thrusting inside with a deep moan that made Clarke spiral out of control.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yes, fuck Murphy. Come on. Harder.” And yes, maybe Clarke needed this as much as he did because she didn’t try to hold back her moans. They were too far from everyone else, so there was no way they’d be heard, and frankly she didn’t care. She felt way too good, and nobody could bring her down from it.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy wraps his arms around her, and then turns her around with her stomach pressed on the bed with him still inside her. With the new position, his cock hits her differently, and it seemed as though he became bigger as he reaches deep inside her that he’d never reached before, that no one has ever reached before. His hands came to her hips, pulling at her body whenever he thrusted in, and Clarke almost blacked out at how good it felt. His hands comes up to her breasts, and now she could feel his hot breath on her neck as he pressed his lips against it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck, Clarke. Come on. Come for me.” Everything felt too much. She could feel herself growing close, feel her walls beginning to tighten, and she guessed Murphy could feel it too because he began to rub harshly on her clit while his other hand played with her nipples all the while unfailing in his fervent thrusts inside her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m coming. Shit. Oh yes!” Clarke gives a loud, guttural moan as her climax came, and she presses her head on his pillow while her body rocked with pleasure. Her walls clenches around Murphy’s cock, and maybe it was too much stimulation for the man, because then he pulled out and she could feel hot strings of cum landing on her back.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Princess. Just… <em>fuck.” </em>Murphy sighs out, his breathing uneven. Clarke grins lazily, standing up to give him a wink before she wobbled over to his attached bathroom and proceeded to clean herself up.</p><p> </p><p>Once she was done, she came out of the bathroom and sees Murphy splayed out on his bed, a towel on the floor. She grabbed her clothes, beginning to put on her pants when she felt his gaze lock on her back.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Murphy asks, as though the very thought of her putting on clothes was a ludicrous idea.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I don’t want to walk back to my room naked.” She responds nonchalantly, and Murphy sighs, sitting up just as she begins to put on her shirt. Suddenly, she feels arms wrap around her and pull her back. Clarke gives a quiet yell as she plops down on the bed where his usual position was, pressing his head against her neck and his arms wrapped tight around her.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you in love with me now?” Clarke chuckles, shaking her head in response and Murphy gives a quiet chuckle himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Then sleep here. I’m not going to kiss you, but as you know, I like to cuddle. Especially after sex. I’m sleepy, so goodnight, Clarke.” Clarke smiles, her body beginning to relax despite the fact that she’s naked from the waist up. She pulls his blanket up over them, and closes her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe this thing wouldn’t be so bad.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soooo, what did you think? Too steamy? Not enough steam? Just the right steam? </p><p>Also, I think I'm going to stick to a schedule of updating once a week, but of course life happens and sometimes that won't be happening. </p><p>Also also, I just watched the latest episode, and I think Bellarke has pretty much died at this point :( At least I can comfort myself with the idea that Bellarke is married in the book and in real life. </p><p>Thanks for reading everyone, and thank you so much for everyone that left their kudos and comments and I really hope that more of you make yourselves known! I don't bite!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clarke's just trying to find some normalcy after the life-altering decision she'd made the night before.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Clarke? What’s with the limp?” Of course it would be <em>the</em> Raven Reyes to first notice it. The brunette always had a radar for anything new going on within these walls.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke felt warmth creeping into her cheeks and neck, her heartbeat quickening and her palms moistening. She did not want to say that Murphy, of all people, fucked her so good with his massive cock last night that now she’s sore and can’t walk properly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe that would be too much information, even for her closest friend.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, that was a conversation that would never see the light of day, so Clarke opts for a more <em>appropriate </em>response.</p><p> </p><p>“I was working out last night and I pulled a muscle.” A laugh erupts from Murphy beside her, and she could only give him the most deadliest glare she could muster. The look managed to make the most powerful woman on Earth fall in love with her, so it should work on a <em>John Murphy.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Well then just take it easy today, yeah? I can tell Echo to let you pass training today if you want.” Clarke smiles gratefully at the brunette, and the ‘Cockroach’ duo, as Murphy liked to call them, walked over to the couch. Clarke plops down ungracefully, wincing slightly as she presses her hand on her back.</p><p> </p><p>Beside her, Murphy is having the time of his life. His face held a smug smirk on it, as though making Clarke this sore had been a personal achievement, and Clarke began to regret agreeing to their deal; that is until the thought of last night came back and she immediately pushed that regret away. He may be difficult, but <em>damn </em>was he good in bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Doing good, Princess?” Murphy whispers, and Clarke turns towards him, her blue eyes narrowed on his as she punches his side harshly.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you, asshole. I’m never letting you fuck me again.” She whispers back half-heartedly, because she totally would do it again.</p><p> </p><p>Waking up in his bed last night with her top half naked, it had been the biggest scare of her life. The first thought that had come to her was that, ‘<em>Did we drink?’</em>, but they didn’t; not that there was any alcohol laying around. Then, the thoughts of last night seeped in, and Clarke realized that she’d just had one of the most peaceful nights she’s ever had, with another one being in those same arms a couple of days ago. </p><p> </p><p>“Trust me, you will.” There is a finality in his voice, and Clarke couldn’t bring herself to reply back with a snotty remark as heat pooled into her core, his voice rough and filled with lust caressing her sore body.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What had she actually gotten herself into?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>As promised by Raven, Echo did not try to break a bone in her body that day. However, she did not do the same for Murphy, and Clarke felt a deep satisfaction in watching him writhe and groan in pain on the mat. She sat on the couch, scrolling through the various movies the Ark had, and her eyes landed on a certain movie. She turned towards Monty and Harper, who were currently too busy making out and whispering sickly-sweet nothings to each other, and towards Bellamy who is currently coaching Murphy, even though it probably didn’t help all that much. Raven and Emori were out working on the nuclear reactor.</p><p> </p><p>So, she pressed play. She waited for a while, her eyes never leaving the screen, but she listened in on how Murphy conceded defeat, how deep footsteps thudded across the room, and how a presence behind her made hair stand on her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“What you watching, Princess?” Clarke felt a smirk appear, turning her head to look up at Murphy’s sweaty figure, and then turned back. With the man’s voice, this brought attention to the couple on the couch, who pulled away and began to watch the movie curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t that the one with the girl with really big eyes from <em>That 70’s Show</em>?” Harper asks, and Clarke hums in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. It’s called Friends with Benefits.” A loud laugh erupts from behind her, and Clarke’s grin widens. She sees Murphy sit himself beside her from her peripheral, putting his feet up on her lap and leaning back on the arm rest of the love seat.</p><p> </p><p>They sit in silence as the movie continued, only the sounds of the television and of Echo and Bellamy sparring surrounded the room. After a while, the two finished and watched the movie with them. It was around the back end of the movie when Murphy decided to speak up.</p><p> </p><p>“Personally—”</p><p> </p><p>“Here we go again.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Personally, </em>I think it’s totally possible for two people to have sex and not fall for each other.” Clarke rolls her eyes, but didn’t bother to say anything. She didn’t want to have to say anything that might cause suspicion to their friends.</p><p> </p><p>“You can never really help who you fall in love for, though. If you’re willing to have sex with someone, then doesn’t that mean that you’re at least attracted to that person? I can’t imagine having sex with someone you hate.” Echo responds, and the rest of their group murmurs in agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I think I have enough self-control to choose who I love. Besides, love is bullshit, and I think I’m destined to a life of being a bachelor.” Clarke snorts, looking over at Murphy and shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Geez, way to stay positive, Murph.” Harper replies, and Clarke gives a wide grin, keeping her eyes locked on the movie.</p><p> </p><p>When Monty and Harper left to get their lunch ready, it was just the two of them along with Echo and Bellamy. Then, Echo decided to take a shower, which left Clarke sandwiched between Bellamy and Murphy. They’d already finished the movie, and decided to watch that Avengers movie. After a while, Clarke could feel her lap beginning to sore from Murphy’s heavy legs.</p><p> </p><p>“Murphy, can you move your feet? You’re so heavy.” Clarke asks, glaring at the man who merely gives her a shit-eating grin then turned his eyes back to the movie.</p><p> </p><p>“No. It’s comfortable.” He replies, and Clarke gives a quiet groan, squeezing his shins. Bellamy stayed quiet beside her, and if she didn’t feel his extremely warm body, she wouldn’t even know he was there.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. I’m going to walk around.” Clarke pushes his legs off, getting up slowly with a wince, and she remembered that she was still incredibly sore from last night. She gives a pat on Bellamy’s shoulder as she stands up, hearing him quietly groan in response as his eyes remained glued to the screen. Clarke smiles fondly at him.</p><p> </p><p>She begins to walk away, but not before ruffling Murphy’s neatly styled hair which earned her a groan from the man. She could feel a certain gaze on her back, and she knew that it could only be Bellamy. She silently wished that he hadn’t caught on to her pain, because that would be an awkward conversation. But then again, every stare Bellamy had that lasted for more than two seconds always meant that he was trying to figure her out, and he’d become mighty good at that the past year.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know where exactly she was going. Clarke would guess that being around Bellamy’s presence and the way he always seemed to smell of pines that reminded her of home for far too long brought back all the pains of unrequited love. She knew that if she wanted to get over her feelings for Bellamy, it wouldn’t help to always be around him, but she hadn’t gone too far in her ‘Get Over Bellamy’ plan. So, she simply let her feet drag her anywhere, which ultimately led her to the Med bay. There were a few medical books that littered the walls, so she grabbed one focused on dislocations, and plopped down on her mother’s swivel chair.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Clarke. Lunch is ready.” A deep voice came from the door, and the blonde turns to it to see the familiar long-haired man leaning against the wall. She smiles and puts the book back on the shelf, standing up and her face scrunches up from the light stab of pain on her back.</p><p> </p><p>“How have you been? I know we really haven’t talked all that much lately. I still have no idea why you decided to join Murphy on the other side of the Ring. There were plenty of rooms available near us.” Clarke gives the man a shrug.</p><p> </p><p>She wouldn’t say she wanted to get away from him, didn’t want to say that she couldn’t handle watching or hearing him love someone that wasn’t her. That was a discussion that she would never be ready for, and she was sure she’d take her feelings for him to the grave. At least she wouldn’t have to hear what their friends always seemed to complained about, and right now, she was glad that <em>he </em>couldn’t hear what went on at night on their side.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Bellamy. Murphy’s a decent neighbour. He’s also not bad for a friend, so there’s that. Trust me, if I can’t handle him, I’ll change rooms.” That was that, it seemed, as Bellamy flashes her his signature smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, but if he bothers you, let me know.”</p><p> </p><p>Walking inside their most used room, everyone was already there. Clarke shuffles over to Murphy’s side, grabbing a bowl which Monty filled up with his algae. Despite the majority ofmemories that she had back on Earth were bad, Clarke never realized how much she’d miss actual <em>food.</em></p><p> </p><p>Despite everything, Clarke loved this time of their day. Times where they’d sit down together, discussing what they did with their days even if it was the same as last week, or the week before that. She’d never gotten this back home— she never did anything like this back home really. She had a few days of respite here and there, but she’d always go back to the hard leader, not the teenager she was supposed to be. These people were all so different, but Clarke loved them. Even if Echo had betrayed them to Azgeda, or Clarke tried to leave them stranded on the surface, or even if at one point in time they were on separate sides of the fence, they’ve formed a family. That was one thing Praimfaya did well— bring together an unusual group of people to form a beautiful bond with one another. Maybe, once they came back down, they’d be able to to do that with everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>To be better, to do better. The good guys.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>“So, when did you realize you loved him?” A weird start to a conversation, seeing as they’re both sweaty and naked, but Clarke ignored it and gives a shrug of her shoulders. She laid on Murphy’s bed, his arm as her pillow while he played with her messy, blonde hair.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I think around the time after Lexa, I was at a very dark place. I think I didn’t know it at the time, but I became more dependent towards him. There were days where we’d be apart, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Then I just realized that I loved him. Not that romantic, to be honest. What about you? When did you realize you loved Emori?” Murphy hummed in thought, looking up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s because we were both so similar. I was an outcast, she was an outcast. We were two people who, if we disappeared, nobody would notice. I guess we just gravitated towards each other, and then at that point there was no other option but to learn to love each other, because who else would? Real depressing, I know, but you take what you can get.”</p><p> </p><p>It felt weirdly intimate to discuss their past loves after having sex. They’d reason it to being way too relaxed to not notice their vulnerability. It made Clarke feel like even if their arrangement didn’t work out, she’d still have a friend to return to. God knows she needed some of that, seeing as she’s been nothing but a mess the past two months. Who knew that having nothing to do would ultimately unravel the enigma that is <em>Clarke Griffin</em>?</p><p> </p><p>“For the record, I’d notice. And you’re a pretty decent guy, under all that prickly personality. Not to mention good in bed. Every girl’s dream.” Clarke teases, and Murphy gives a light chuckle, tugging lightly at the tips of her hair. Clarke notices that that was something he probably loved to do, as he always played with her hair whenever they laid in bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Just go to sleep, Princess. Goodnight.” Maybe he didn’t notice it, maybe he was too tired to realize it, but he turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s forehead, and they’d both just put it to being tired as to why Clarke didn’t mention it.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, John.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short chapter, but still I think I've written everything I needed to write in this chapter. Anyways, currently writing a new part, and I really want to write a Murphy POV. I'm curious, and also very interested, in writing how his two months at the ark has been, and how he feels about this new arrangement with Clarke. What do you guys think? </p><p>Also, this book does not have a beta, and I only lightly edit the parts. So, if there are any inconsistencies, lemme know!</p><p>As usual, please VOTE and COMMENT. It would mean the world to me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A big discovery leads to an impromptu therapy session.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is very dialogue heavy, but I hope you enjoy it! Just a marker for the timeline-- this is two months and two weeks into their stay at the Ring. So, around a year since Ep 1 of Season 1. </p><p>As always, this chapter is LIGHTLY edited, and any mistakes and inconsistencies within the fic I ask that you tell me so that I may correct it. </p><p>Enjoy, and lemme know what you think!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Two weeks passed. Two weeks filled with hot, rough sex and gentle cuddling. Clarke would be happy to report that she has, in fact, not fallen in love with Murphy. She’d also taught the man a few medical things she knew, like dislocations, or fixing broken bones during the past couple of weeks— enough that if Clarke became incapacitated, Murphy would be able to handle the very mildest of injuries. She knew that she’d been spending way too much time with him than she’d previously had prior to their arrangement, but if their friends were growing suspicious, they never mentioned it.</p><p> </p><p>During the two weeks, Clarke has never slept in her bed. Even if they didn’t have sex, she’d always find herself sleeping in Murphy’s bed, either by choice or if the man himself dragged her out of her own bed. Clarke liked it, because the nightmares never came back, and she was pretty sure Murphy was also using her to make sure his nightmares didn’t come back. They were both at a point where they’ve both acknowledged that they’re two broken people, and no amount of time away from Earth could fix that.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t too awkward with Raven now, and she’d sometimes visit her in the control room to just talk, if she wasn’t with Bellamy that is. Now <em>that </em>was still all heaps of awkward, but it seems as though Bellamy didn’t notice it because he’s treated her like how he’s always treated her— always at arms length but still considers her his best friend. She knew that the man was still angry for attempting to abandon their friends and his sister on the surface, and frankly, Clarke had grown tired of apologizing for trying to protect her people.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy and Clarke are both in Murphy’s bed, their bodies stuck together with tinges of sweat. It was the first time they had sex in the middle of the day, and they didn’t really know how it started. One moment they were both playing cards, and then the next Clarke was being pushed down to the bed with Murphy practically trying to kiss the soul out of her. Clarke knew that Murphy would most likely be agitated, as Echo and Emori have been showing their relationship more openly these days.</p><p> </p><p>“Guys!” A voice from down the hallway screams out, their voice filled with excitement. The two look at each other in alarm.</p><p> </p><p>“Raven.” They sit up, hastily putting on their clothes, and then begin to check each other out, making sure that there were no evidence of their tryst.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re good.”</p><p> </p><p>“You too.”</p><p> </p><p>Murphy walks over to the door, poking his head out and then held his hand up to signal Clarke to wait. She nods, even though the man couldn’t see her, and then waited as he steps out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Clarke? You have to come out to the living room. There’s something you need to see.” Clarke hears Raven’s exuberant voice through the walls, and the blonde furrows her eyebrows at the girl’s excitement. She’s never really seen her sound so happy, which made Clarke even more curious to the cause of such an emotion. </p><p> </p><p>“I think she might be walking around. You go ahead and I’ll look for her.” Then there were fading footsteps, and Murphy pops his head back in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. Let’s go see what the mechanic’s fussing about.” Clarke is still incredibly flustered with almost getting caught, but she managed to squeak out a nod and they both walk out of the room that still reeked of sex and sweat. Clarke silently thanked the universe that Raven didn’t decide to barge in instead of calling out to them from the hallway— which is definitely something she’d do if she hadn’t been so excited.</p><p> </p><p>When they enter the room, everyone is already huddled around the massive window overlooking their planet. The two look at each other in confusion, and they walk forward to observe what they all seemed so transfixed on.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” Clarke asks, and Bellamy turns towards her with a grin and teary eyes. He moves aside, pointing out of the window and Clarke looks out, giving a loud gasp.</p><p> </p><p>In the almost barren world laid a patch of green. So green, that it almost seemed surreal as it gave a stark contrast to the planet’s brown and black. It was large— so large it could fit a whole new civilization if they managed to get everyone out of the bunker. It was hope. Hope of a new beginning. Beside her, Murphy is also looking down at the land. They were both so entranced at the patch of green that she unconsciously reaches out for his hand, and Murphy squeezes her hand in return.</p><p> </p><p>“We have to go back. We have to, right?” Clarke turns towards her friends, and her hope is brought down slightly at the hesitation in their eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not that simple, Clarke. The death wave may have missed it, but radiation’s probably still as bad. We still have to wait five years for it to clear out.” Monty responds, and Clarke sighs in disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If only the nightblood serum worked.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t really know why she felt so eager to go back. As far as she remembered, the earth was riddled with bad memories, and even worse decisions. Besides those who were buried underground, there was nothing waiting for her on the surface. No responsibilities, no people to lead, and definitely no one to expect her to be the bad guy yet again.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Clarke realized, that was it. <em>That </em>was what she wanted. Space may have been a fresh start, a reset so she could go back to her roots and remember that once upon a time she hadn’t been a monster, but it still held the memories of her father dying, of her mother betraying their family, of living an entire year in fear that she wouldn’t live to see the next day. This was a place where Clarke had to grow up way too fast, amongst the hundred teens that now only a few remained. She still felt suffocated, and maybe if she’d been able to restart on a new Earth, then she won’t feel that way anymore. Maybe, if she couldn’t find the peace she’s been looking for a long time for in here, then it could be down there.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, what are you thinking?” A voice beside her snaps Clarke out of her thoughts, and she turns to her friend and shrugs, pulling her hand away that had still been clasped onto his.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing.” She replies, and then she walks over to the couch and plops herself down. She could tell her friends noticed her drastic change in mood as they sit themselves around her with worried gazes.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay, Clarke?” Harper asks, and Clarke sighs, not finding a response to that question. She isn’t okay. Hasn’t been for a long time, but she’s used to it. She’s pretty sure not one of them is okay; but then again, their standard of ‘okay’ has considerably gone down as soon as they came down.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think we’ve all properly talked about what happened down there. I think it’d be a good idea to sit down and talk about it, because there’s really no one else we can rely on but each other up here.” Clarke wanted to laugh— therapy couldn’t possibly help her, but it was a good effort from Monty.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, the others didn’t feel her sentiment. She never really realized how much the others have been struggling, trying to move on from everything that had happened in the past year, and she never really tried to get them to open up. It was selfish, she knew. Clarke simply assumed that like her, she’d prefer locking her demons away.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? I’ll start. Hi, my name is Raven Reyes. I’m a mechanic. The past year had been really shitty for me, but I think I’m starting to heal from it. I have a great guy, a great family who annoy the hell out of me, but I love them. I’m working on it, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but being back here has really helped me. I’m taking it one step at a time, but at least I have my family with me, and yes that includes you Murphy.” A few series of laughs erupts from their circle, but Raven’s words seems to encourage the others.</p><p> </p><p>“My turn. Hi, my name is Harper McIntyre. I’m Monty’s girlfriend and his full-time nanny. I think I’m doing good. Like Raven said, the past year had been hell. There were so many moments that I just want to forget, like Mount Weather, but I’d like to believe that I’d be willing to go through it again if it meant it would lead me right here, with you guys and with this dork that I really love. I’m content, and after everything, I think we deserve a little bit of that.” Clarke smiles, reaching over to squeeze the girl’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, my name is Monty Green. I’m the gardener, and cook. I think I’m happy too. I keep thinking of how Jasper would have loved this, and I think it encourages me more to be happy, for him. I think about everyone else, about how they’re doing, if they’re as happy as I am, and I hope they are too. I hope they’re finding their peace, and learning to move forward. Seeing that patch of land, it gives me more hope of a better future. I think that the time that we have right now, the time we have to reflect and better ourselves, it ensures that we can be better moving forward. I mean, I never expected to think of some of you as family, but I do. I’d literally take a bullet for you guys. I love you, you weird sons of bitches.” Clarke lets out a laugh, whispering an ‘I love you too’, then turns her head to Bellamy who smiles back at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Might as well get it over with. Hi. I’m Emori, no last name. I didn’t go through everything all of you went through together, but I think that my whole life, I’ve been searching for something like this. A family. Ever since I could remember, I’ve been seen as an outcast. People would often be afraid of me, and they’d turn me away because they think I’m some kind of monster, but John helped me get past that. When I met you guys, I’ll admit, I didn’t really care about any of you. It was John and I against the world, and everybody else can drop dead, you know? But then, I saw how you all held on to each other through the hardest times, how you supported each other and made each other better, and I thought… I want that. I want what they have. John and I aren’t together anymore, but I’m still grateful that he led me to you guys. You’re my family. I can’t wait to learn more and grow more with you guys.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke felt a little guilty hearing her, because she’d never really made the effort to get to know Emori. They’d talk a few times, but they weren’t at the level where they’d search for one another whenever they felt sad. Clarke knew that she’s still family. Everyone in this room pretty much became her family the moment they launched into space together, and she’d do anything to keep them safe, but she realized that she needed to get to know Echo and Emori more, because these group of people would someday become her whole world.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright. I’m Echo. I don’t really have much to say. I just want to say I’m sorry for everything, I guess. All I’ve ever known is loyalty to Azgeda. I’ll always have that part with me, the spy who’d do anything for her nation, but I’m learning. I’m learning how to put my loyalty in the right people, and that’s you guys. So, I love you, and you better remember that because I’m not saying that ever again.” There were a series of laughs, and just like Monty, they responded with ‘I love you, too’. It was definitely refreshing to see this side of Echo, and Clarke could feel the youth in the woman slowly push itself forward. She’d guess that being able to release the weight in their hearts helps with that.</p><p> </p><p>“This is stupid, but whatever. Name’s John Murphy. Resident cockroach. I’ll never say this again, and I’ll deny it if mentioned, but I feel the same way as all of you. I’m sorry for being a total asshole. I promise not to do that again. I’ll stop now, because this is making me feel soft.” Clarke smiles, looking at the man beside her, and despite his brief message, she knew his intentions. She could see the ghost of a smile on his face, the fond look in his blue eyes, and she knew. John Murphy didn’t do sap, so she knew. The others did too, because they all chuckled quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke looks over at Bellamy, knowing that they were the ones left, but Clarke still didn’t know what to say. She’s afraid that once she talks, she’ll never stop. She knew that these people would listen, and wouldn’t judge her, but she wasn’t ready yet, so she gestured for Bellamy to go next.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m next. I’m Bellamy Blake. I don’t even know where to begin. If you told me before that a year from now that I’d be here, I wouldn’t have believed you. Pretty much my entire life, it was always about my sister. My sister, my responsibility. Everything I’ve done, it was all for her. I’ve done some pretty horrible things. I can’t ever undo them, nor can I ever forget them. I want to say that I’d do it all over again, just so it would lead me here, but I can’t. There’s so many things that I want to do different, so many things that I wish happened differently, and if I could take it all back, I would. I’m selfish that way. I have nightmares, I have my demons, and I’m grateful that I have you guys with me to help me through it, but I just wish they weren’t there. I think that being a leader, it requires a certain type of strength that can really tire you out." Bellamy stops, looks over at the blonde, and takes her small hands in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. It was weird, because just the touch alone gave Clarke a sense of security and comfort that could only come from her best friend. </p><p> </p><p>"Clarke probably feels the same way. Being a leader, it’s not just about barking out orders and keeping everyone in line. I believed that when we first came down, but there’s so much more to it. It’s about making the sacrifices that no one’s willing to make, to be the person to make the harsh decisions even when you know no one would understand. It’s a really lonely feeling, and it can really bring you down. It’s still bringing me down. But, as you all said, I’m working on it. So, thank you all for being there, and helping me through it.” Clarke could feel tears prickling her eyes, because it was true. Everything he’d said, Clarke understood it all. At least now she knew where to start.</p><p> </p><p>“Save the best for last, right? Hi. I’m Clarke Griffin. I think I have too many titles, so I won’t sit here and list them all out. God, I don’t know what to even say, or rather I don’t know how to say it because I think if I say what I want to say, we’ll be here all day. I think being back in the place where I pretty much had to grow up too soon, it’s opened up so many old wounds that I’d managed to bury. So, first thing I want to say is I’m sorry. I know two little words would never change anything, but I’m sorry. I think that for the past year, it was so easy to avoid it and move on. I never really had much time to dwell on something for too long, because there’s always something else that needed my attention. With Finn, with Mount Weather, with Lexa, and everything else, it was all moving so fast that I felt like I could never catch up. That’s why now that I have so much time in my hands to do nothing, everything’s coming back and it’s suffocating me." Clarke pauses, takes a deep shuddering breath, and clutches her cold hands together as she struggles to keep the tears in and become a mess before being able to finish her spiel. </p><p> </p><p>"I don’t want to sit here and complain about <em>why me, </em>because that’s a question I know I’ll never get the answer to, but there are days when I get so angry. I get angry because why the hell did people choose <em>me</em> to be responsible for the lives of so many people? I get angry because I’m not the person everyone wants me to be, and I’m so tired of hating myself for it. I guess I did end up complaining about it, huh. I think I’m just exhausted. But I’m working on it. I’ll work on it, because I deserve to be happy. Now that I have time to breath, I’ve decided that I’m going to be selfish. I’ve bore the burden, so I deserve to just <em>stop, </em>right? It’s been so long since I deemed myself worthy of something like happiness, but I’ll work on it. It may take a long time, but I have all the time in the world, and I hope you all would be there to see me on the other side.”</p><p> </p><p>There were so much more Clarke wanted to say. <em>So much more. </em>But then what good does that do? She didn’t want to burden everyone else with her brokenness, and she didn’t want to make them feel like she regrets keeping everyone alive, because she doesn’t. She’ll do it all over again, even if it’ll destroy her, but then her people would be alive, and that was a good trade off. So, she shut her mouth and forced down the bile that threatened to come out. Maybe she’s gotten so used to bearing the load, that it’s become second nature to her.</p><p> </p><p>They cried after that. They cried for their regrets, their mistakes, cried for the people they lost, cried for the innocence they never got to have, and they also cried for the family that they’ve created together. They cried for so long that they’d lost track of time, and they all were so tired that they pretty much all but dragged themselves to their room after doing one giant group hug. They promised each other that they’d do it again. Not in the way that this went, because as Murphy claimed, it was depressing as hell, but they’d sit down and talk about their feelings and check in with one another. It was the start of a family tradition, and it gave Clarke a sense of normalcy in her dysfunctional life. With one, final look at the patch of green, Clarke walked back to their room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just wanted to remind you all that this story diverges from the tv show right after they head to space. I mean, DIVERGES from it. The events in this book will literally be so different from the recent seasons, because as I said, Praimfaya 3.0 does not happen. Also, I feel like this is also a short chapter, but I felt it's needed in order to move forward the relationships inside the Ring. </p><p>Also, I really contemplated what to say in each person sharing, and honestly this is the best I can come up with lol. I feel like Clarke is THE most under-appreciated person in the series, and I wanted these people to know her pain, because my girl deserves to be APPRECIATED.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Echo finds out, and it may not be as bad as Clarke and Murphy would have thought.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Before anything, I just wanted to take this chance to thank each and every one of you who have supported, commented, hearted, and read this story. Writing is my absolute passion and it gives me the most joy, and it truly makes me so happy to know that people like what I have to offer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, do not be afraid to comment what you think! </p><p>With that said, I deeply apologize for not updating for so long. School and work is hella hard, and takes up most of my time these days. </p><p>ALSO, I just wanted to clarify that this fic is not a slow burn. However, I try to make sure that the pacing is just right, so if you feel as though things are moving too fast, lemme know! Sometimes, being someone who thinks so far ahead into the plot of the story, I tend to get so excited to write future events and I become impatient to get there. So, tell me if things are going too fast!</p><p>Lastly, enjoy!</p><p>P.S, End notes contain canon spoilers, so beware if you haven't seen the recent episodes!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke knew the moment she sat down, it would be the end of her. Not in the usual sense that she’s literally in trouble, but she is. She doesn’t know who decided to do this, why in their right mind did they think it was a good idea to watch it together, but they did. So, now they’re watching Fifty Shades of Grey, and Clarke is horny. That’s right. She’s <em>incredibly horny</em>, and Murphy can tell, because she knows he can feel her practically squirming on the couch, and she knew the man loved watching her struggle— that was a newly discovered kink of his that she’d found out when he tied her to the bed as foreplay. </p><p> </p><p>“You alright there, Clarke?” Raven asks, and Clarke could feel the heat rise up to her cheeks and neck. She gives a shy nod, turning her eyes back to the T.V, and hopes that no one else brings it up.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke is so focused on shifting her attention to the screen that she didn’t notice two pairs of eyes from her Grounder friends sharing a knowing look with each other. It didn’t help Clarke’s situation that she’s sandwiched between her fuck buddy, and the guy she’s in love with, <em>again. </em>It was like they just wanted to torture her with their presence, and Clarke could feel herself breaking. She had to go.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? I think I’m going to go for a walk. See you guys at dinner.” With that, Clarke abruptly stands up and scurries out of the room.</p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>She finds herself back in her cell, looking around at the drawings, and couldn’t help but compare her drawings of Earth to the real thing. She missed this Clarke. But as she’d said a week ago, she’s working on finding that part of herself again.</p><p> </p><p>She ended up not dwelling in her thoughts too much, because then she hears quick footsteps making their way to the cell, and as soon as she looks up, Murphy’s closing the door behind him and heading towards her with the same desperation she’d felt a few minutes ago ingrained in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I was looking for you.” That was all he said before he grabbed her face in his hands and pulled her up, pressing their lips together harshly and pushing her to the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck. You have no idea how much I wanted to bend you over that couch and fuck you. I could let them all watch you scream and beg for me. I’d like to see the look on Bellamy’s face when you scream <em>my </em>name.” Clarke moaned at his words, because she’s spent so much time with Murphy that she could feel herself growing horny at the prospect of her friends watching him fuck her raw.</p><p> </p><p>With a huge leap of confidence, she falls to her knees and pulls down Murphy’s sweatpants and boxers, his cock springing up and almost hitting her in the cheek. She gives the man a smirk, taking the shaft by the base and then running her tongue over the length, all the while not breaking their eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, Clarke. That’s hot.” She didn’t blow him much, but she knew she was quite good at it because of the noises he’d make, and she wanted to hear it again.</p><p> </p><p>She pumped his dick a few times, letting the pre-cum spread through the length, and then proceeded to engulf him entirely with her warm mouth. She hears a low moan coming from Murphy, and it spurred her on to start pumping her head back and forth. She brought her free hand that wasn’t holding his dick, and began to fondle his balls. She pulled away a few times, making sure to run her tongue up and down the length, and then sucked him off eagerly. It was hard, because he was so big it couldn’t entire fit in her mouth, but her hand pumped at the area she couldn’t fit inside.</p><p> </p><p>She feels his hands grasp her blonde hair, playing and yanking at them as he continuous to give low moans and growls. Clarke focuses her blue eyes on him, seeing the way his head is thrown back and his mouth formed in an ‘O’ shape as he repeatedly moans in pleasure. It looks so good, so incredibly enticing to see such raw passion exude out of him, that it made Clarke hum in pleasure and the following vibrations resulted in Murphy giving out a particularly loud moan that she knew if anyone was around would hear. She pulls back instantly, looking at him with a warning gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, Murphy, you have to be quiet, otherwise I’m going to have to stop.” She’s only met with a hiss, before she’s being pulled forward and then her body landed on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“You like that, don’t you? You enjoy teasing me, watching me struggle to keep my mouth shut. You’re such a fucking tease, Clarke.” His teeth grazes her ear, and she shudders in pleasure. Murphy begins to leave light kisses along her jaw, kissing down her throat and to her cleavage.</p><p> </p><p>With one, fell swoop, her bra and shirt were pushed off. His free hand runs under her underwear and presses his warm hand on her soaked pussy. Clarke gives a tiny whimper as a finger enters her suddenly, pumping in and out while his thumb teased her clit.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so fucking wet, Clarke. I guess Echo did good for movie night, because now I get to watch you break apart for me.” He pushes in another finger, and then he leans down and begins to suck on her sensitive nipples, earning him a muffled moan as Clarke presses her hand over her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what? I think I’m going to have to skip Monty’s algae and head straight for dessert.” There was a single second where Clarke became confused, but then her pants and underwear were pulled off, and she could feel his hot tongue directly on her pussy.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, fuck Murphy.” His tongue lapped at her juices, sucking lightly on her clit as he pushes his finger inside once more. He pumps in and out, his eyes never leaving her squirming, and moaning figure as she tried to keep quiet.</p><p> </p><p>He’d never really ate her out before. There were days where he’d give a few pecks or slight licks and then pull away, but never in this way. His tongue ran all over her lips, sucking at the bud and then lapping at whatever juices poured out her. Hums erupted in him every time there was a particularly loud intake of breath from Clarke, or when she’d flinch from the pleasure or when she’d press her thighs tightly against his head. Everything felt so stimulating for Clarke, and she knew she wouldn’t last long from such blissful abuse.</p><p> </p><p>His other hand comes up to fondle Clarke’s breasts, and then he adds another finger inside her. Clarke’s eyes rolls to the back of her head, her chest pushing up out of the bed as stars erupts around her from the pleasure rocks.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit. Oh my god. I’m cumming.” She hisses out before her body began to shake, her hands grasping at the sheets beside her while riding out her climax as Murphy continues to lap at her pussy and devour her juices.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more licks, Murphy moves forward and presses a kiss on Clarke’s bruised lips, tasting her juices on his tongue. She knew that Murphy still hadn’t cum yet, so she moved her arm downward to where his hard member remained untouched. Before she could fully hold it, Murphy stopped her.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, Clarke. I’m good.” For a split second, the blonde is confused. Usually, during times where they couldn’t wait until everyone was sleeping, he was the one chasing his orgasm. Those were times where he’d finish her off with his fingers, too tired to do anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Before she could respond, a curt knock appeared on the door. The two look at each other, their blissed out faces obvious, and knew that there was no escaping out of this one. If they had stayed for even more than a minute, they’d have surely heard Clarke’s noises. The blonde could only wish it wasn’t the man she’s currently in love with. They both got dressed as fast as they could, running their hands through their hair while Murphy wiped his face to make sure no sign of Clarke remained and then they both walked to the door.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy slowly opens the door so it only reveals his face, but judging from his body tensing up, Clarke knew it wouldn’t help to keep her hidden. The man opened the door wider so it revealed her, and Clarke’s eyes bulged once she sees the brunette standing in front of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I should’ve seen this coming. I knew those noises coming from your room in the morning wasn’t just Murphy’s abnormally loud snoring. At least now I know why Murphy no longer looks like there’s a stick up his ass. Seems he’s been putting his stick inside yours.” Echo teases, mirth evident in her voice as she crosses her arms over her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you knew? Why didn’t you tell us?” Clarke replies, her blush deepening at the fact that they were caught just when she’d thought they were getting the hang of sneaking around.</p><p> </p><p>“A week ago, I couldn’t sleep. So, I decided to look around. Then I heard noises coming from your room, and I knew it wasn’t just because you were neighbours that you two suddenly become inseparable. You’re lucky it was me here right now. Anyone from across the hallway could hear what was happening here.” The two share a worried look, and they could tell that Echo thoroughly enjoyed the discomfort they were showcasing right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Relax. No one else was near. Apparently, the movie’s a riveting content. I’m sure all the couples are taking notes right now.” Murphy let out a relieved chuckle and Clarke could feel a deep weight leaving her. Oddly, it didn’t bother her as much as she should that Echo, of all people, knew that she was screwing someone she’d deemed as infuriatingly annoying not a few months ago.</p><p> </p><p>The three stood for a few moments, sharing awkward glances while Echo continues to display that amused smirk on her face. Maybe they were waiting for who walked away first, and the two were hoping it would be Echo.</p><p> </p><p>“So, will you be telling anyone?” Clarke speaks up, asking the question that’s been lingering in her mind. She hoped that the brunette wouldn’t, but then again, who cares? It wasn’t like they were hurting anyone.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, the last few weeks that she’s been sleeping with Murphy, whether sexually or platonically, not one nightmare riddled her sleep. Usually, her slumber would always be interrupted by a memory of one of her family dying, of her dad being floated, or watching the faces of those she’s killed taunting her. It got specifically bad the last few weeks before Praimfaya, and then suddenly, being wrapped in Murphy’s warmth took them all away.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke didn’t know if she had the same effect on Murphy— if maybe he’d slept better than he’s had in a while because of her, and the thought made Clarke feel queasy inside. She definitely did not want to admit that there was a certain answer she wanted to that thought, and that she’d feel incredibly disappointed should it not be the answer. Either way, she slept better, and the sex definitely makes her feel better.</p><p> </p><p>“Emori knows. The two of you have been sending each other sex-eyes the last few days. She’s fine with it, by the way. You know, I’d offer for you to join us, but from what I’ve heard, you two are doing just fine with each other. With that said, I won’t be telling anyone else. Besides, I’m pretty sure Monty and Harper would be fine with it. It’s the other two I’m worried about. They tend to always want things a certain way, and then get upset when it doesn’t. But, if you need our support, we’re there.” Clarke could hear herself sigh in relief, a grateful look adorning her features as she smiles up at Echo.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. Really. We appreciate it. And don’t worry. We can handle Bellamy and Raven. I think we should head back, or the others might get suspicious.” They all agree, and began to scurry away from Clarke’s cell.</p><p> </p><p>While the encounter had been <em>incredibly </em>awkward, it felt nice to have the support of Echo, and most likely Emori. But, there was the thought that Emori knew, and didn’t really seem to have cared. So, Clarke cast a worried glance at Murphy, who had stuffed his hands on his pockets and looked down at the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I think we’re going to be turning in for the night. Just tell them I got tired, and won’t be joining for dinner.” Echo nods, and walks away from the two.</p><p> </p><p>Making sure that they’re clear of earshot, Clarke turns to her friend and rubs a comforting hand on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” There was a clear sign of hesitation in his eyes as he looks down at her, and it was everything Clarke needed to know to pull them towards <em>their </em>room. She’d gotten used to calling it that now, seeing as she’s barely stepped foot in her own room for the past couple of weeks.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they were inside, Clarke walks up to Murphy and pushes his head down to her shoulder, feeling his strong arms wrap around her waist as he silently began to sniffle. Clarke could feel the wetness growing on her shirt, but she didn’t pay mind to it.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like a hypocrite. Here I am with you, having sex with you, and yet I’m upset that Emori didn’t get jealous at the two of us. I know that I don’t have a right to be upset anymore, but it’s like everything we went through was for nothing, and that I was the only one in love between the two of us.” Murphy rambled, and Clarke could feel her eyes beginning to water at their predicament.</p><p> </p><p>“Love’s a bitch, isn’t it?” Clarke could only reply, because it is literally the most truthful thing she could think of.</p><p> </p><p>Here they were, broken as ever and still in love with people who doesn’t love them back. Yet, those people don’t even know that they’re being cried over, and are happily in the arms of another. Maybe it was karma. Clarke and Murphy aren’t the best people in the world, and have had their fair share of shitty things that they’ll never be forgiven for, and this was the universe’s way of punishing them.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what we need to do? We need to get drunk. We need to get shit-faced drunk, and be the type of drunk that just doesn’t care. I want to get drunk, and then forget about every bad decisions I’d have made the night before. We just need one day to forget <em>everything, </em>and then we’ll work on being better after. Does that sound good?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a lot of flaws with that statement. One, they were in a place where every bad decision would come back to haunt them anywhere they went. Two, getting shit-faced drunk could result in the two of them saying something to their friends they did not want them to know. And three, they didn’t have any alcohol in hand.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy gives a few more sniffs, wiping his nose on her shirt to which Clarke whines at, and then pulls away with a small, genuine smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I like the sound of that. How do you suggest we go about finding the alcohol? Unless you can somehow turn algae into alcohol, we have a bit of a problem.” Clarke shrugs, sitting down on the bed and taking off her shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Murph. I’m sure there’s a rebel out there who had a secret stash hidden under the floors. Between the two of us, I’m sure we can find something.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The search for Clarke and Murphy’s ‘One Night of Forgetting’ isn’t working out well. It’s been over a week, and they still haven’t found anything. Granted, they only manage to search one room a day, seeing as it’s been a silent mission of theirs to have sex in said rooms without getting caught. Nevertheless, the two are close to giving up. At one point, Murphy even suggested to just drink the sanitizers from the med bay, but that was a whole different ball game of stupid that Clarke did not want to pursue.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Murph. Let’s actually try to search more than one this time. Plus, I’ve had enough of Echo and Emori sending us teasing looks whenever we leave the room for our ‘search’.” Clarke grumbles, playing at Murphy’s fingers as they laid in bed of one of the Ark’s previous councilmen.</p><p> </p><p>She can hear Murphy chuckling behind her, his face buried deep in her neck with his arms wrapped around her naked form. As usual, their ‘search’ resulted in another bout of wild fucking, and Clarke isn’t even sure anymore if Murphy still wanted to get drunk or to just have sex in every room possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, Princess. But, for the record, I wasn’t the one who initiated it this time. Don’t go blaming this on me when you were the one who pounced on me like a starved animal.” It was true. Clarke had one look at Murphy’s ass as he bent down, and lost all reservations of actually finding the cursed alcohol.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t even like she was sexually repressed. It was the complete opposite. But, it wasn’t her fault that Murphy was greatly blessed with his manly parts, and that he knew how to use it. However, that was something that she would never say out loud— lest the man himself grew an even bigger head.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, asshole. Come on. We have more rooms to get to.” Begrudgingly, Clarke climbs out of the warmth of Murphy’s body and the bed to get dresed in her usual black shirt, black pants attire.</p><p> </p><p>That was another thing she hoped she’d somehow come across to in their search. A decent outfit, maybe with some colours. A dress, hopefully. She never used to wear those even back before her father’s death, but on the days that she did, it made her feel a bit more like a woman. Clarke didn’t know why that became such a fantasy to her, but she’d guessed that with the free time she had, it also came with it the old desires of her younger, far more innocent, self.</p><p> </p><p>As they walk out of the room, Clarke jumps as soon as she sees Echo leaning against the wall across the door. Murphy clicks his tongue, pressing his hands on his waist and looks at the brunette with mock annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you like listening to us have sex, Echo. But, no can do. I’m not sharing these.” Murphy gestures to Clarke’s chest, and Clarke only rolls her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Echo gives a light chuckle, walking forward and handing them a bottle. Clarke gasps, grabbing the bottle and looking at the label. It was whiskey, and from the weight of it, was definitely almost completely full. Clarke decides that she takes back everything she thought about the woman. It was good that Echo knew, because now they could finally get shit-faced drunk.</p><p> </p><p>“No fucking way, Echo. Where did you get these?” Murphy gaspes out beside the blonde, grabbing the bottle and admiring it himself like it was rare treasure.</p><p> </p><p>“I was exploring today, and found this. I knew you two were still searching for alcohol, so I decided to give it to you. I don’t like the taste of alcohol anyway, and being a spy meant you had to always be at the top of your game.” A wistful look appears on Echo’s face, and Clarke knew it was a face that missed the Earth, as Clarke often harboured the same look these days.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, now that you’re not a spy anymore, maybe you’d like to join us? I mean, maybe you’ll like the taste of this? You did find it, and it would be weird to enjoy it without sharing it with you.” Clarke asks. The past week, she couldn’t believe that Echo had become one of her closest friends, but she’s still grateful for the friendship. It was refreshing, as Echo had different beliefs and a different upbringing, which brought upon insightful conversations.</p><p> </p><p>“I think Echo’s busy today, Clarke. Maybe we can save it for you next time?” Away from Clarke’s gaze, Murphy gives Echo a warning and pleading glance. Echo gives a ghost of a smirk and a nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I have some things to do today. Like I said, I’m not a fan of alcohol, so feel free to finish it all. Looks like you two need it more anyways. But, just a bit of advice, maybe don’t be too loud when you’re doing it? I could hear you from outside. Don’t worry, nobody else was around and I’ve been here since you started.” Clarke decided that she was just going to ignore that last statement, because she definitely did not need to know that her friend had been listening to them have sex for the last half hour.</p><p> </p><p>So, with grateful goodbyes and a request to Echo to not let anyone go near their room, they parted ways and the two practically pranced to their room. They were incredibly thankful for Echo, and Clarke made a mental note to make it up to her some other time. As they neared their room, Murphy stops abruptly and turns to Clarke.</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a sec. I’ll just do something, and when I tell you to, then you can come in.” Without waiting for an answer, Murphy walked inside and shut the door behind him, leaving a confused Clarke in the hallway holding a bottle of whiskey.</p><p> </p><p>A few seconds later, she heard the voice of Murphy calling out, “You can come in now!”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke pushed the door open, and gasped once she sees the fabric in Murphy’s hands. It was blue that faded down to green, and reached just below her knee. The dress flayed out around her waist, but looked quite tight in the chest area. It had a slit on one side of the lower part, and was sleeveless. It definitely looked too fancy for anything that could possibly happen with just their friends, but it looks absolutely gorgeous. She can feel the tears beginning to brim her eyes, because she’d never imagined anyone else making such an effort for her like this.</p><p> </p><p>“W-what? Where did you find this? How did you know?” Clarke could feel a lump in her throat, a strange emotion she hasn’t felt since… <em>her, </em>but that couldn’t be possible. They were strictly platonic. Nothing more. Clarke had no business feeling this way, especially when they both still loved other people.</p><p> </p><p>“I found you looking at the dresses in one of the rooms’ closets, and I saw this when I was walking around. It’s nothing, I just thought you’d like it. Don’t get all too sappy now, because I just thought I’d do something nice for you for, you know, saving our lives way too many times to count. I was waiting to give it to you when we find the alcohol, which is now I guess.” Murphy harboured a shy expression, scratching at the back of his neck as he looks everywhere around her but her.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke can feel a genuine smile appear on her face, a lone tear slipping down her face as she hastily wipes it away. She walks inside the room, closing it behind her, and then in one split-second decision, she wraps her arms around Murphy with the dress between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Murphy. It’s beautiful, and I appreciate it. And, you don’t have to feel like you owe me. I care about you. About all of you, and I’d do anything to ensure your safety.” Clarke whispers, pressing a chaste kiss on Murphy’s jaw before pulling away, disappointment filling her stomach at the loss of contact, but she didn’t want to prolong the hug and make it awkward.</p><p> </p><p>She grabs the dress, pressing it to her body and giving a little twirl. She was not going to lie. Murphy had good taste in dresses. She looks up at Murphy with a grin, not missing the tender look he gives as he looks down at her, and when he notices that she was looking at him, quickly looks away and clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, how about we get on with the main event? Put on the dress, and we’ll commence with getting shit-faced drunk we forget all of our bad decisions.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*SPOILER ALERT*</p><p>Bellamy Blake is the Daenerys Targaryen of The 100, and I am just absolutely livid and disappointed that the writers did this to my baby. They took such a beautifully carved, wholesome character and threw it down the drain. Honestly, the whole thing is just absolutely unnecessary, and Bellamy deserved a better ending to his story! Like, come the fuck on! Literally, even if he was to go out, at least let him go out doing the thing he does best -- protecting his family! Yet, they made him into a sheep and completely erased who he was, and then made his BEST FRIEND who literally could not shoot him even if it would save their people, over a BOOK! A FUCKING BOOK THAT THEY STILL ENDED UP GETTING AND STILL BROUGHT MADI TO MCAP!</p><p>Just, I am speechless and I am heartbroken. Game of Thrones was my most favourite show, and the 100 was a close second, and I feel bamboozled that this happened twice with my most favourite characters. </p><p>Thanks for reading my rant haha. My friends have long since stopped watching since Lexa's death, so I couldn't really rant to them because they wouldn't know what was happening. Anyways, be safe out there!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter  6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>One forgotten night comes back to bite Clarke in the ass</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Honestly, can we all just pretend as if condoms and pregnancy tests have magical abilities that don’t let them expire? Thanks! Also, just for this story’s purposes, living quarters would not be following the show. I don’t know if it’s accurate, but due to laziness and not having enough brain cells to figure out a solution, let’s just pretend, shall we?</p>
<p>ALSO, I just wanted to put it out there that I have BIG plans for this story. So, if it all seems to be going too fast, just know that we're only at like 20% of the plot.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You know those days where you wake up, and you know that something doesn’t feel right? Like every gut in your body is telling you to do something, but you don’t really know what it is? Now, picture that but ten times worse. That’s how Clarke feels right now, because there was something wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Something is absolutely, undeniably, catastrophically, wrong.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why, you ask? Because, she’s missed her period. It was supposed to happen two days ago, and it had been two weeks since the day that Clarke and Murphy got drunk which, unsurprisingly, had been a disaster.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t like they said anything that could reveal their secret to their friends, but they did run around the hallways screaming murder, singing off-key to songs they didn’t know the lyrics to, and pretty much prevented their friends from getting any sleep that night. Also, there was also that time they got so hungry and ate three bowls of Monty’s algae each.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, if it wasn’t weird enough, when Bellamy finally managed to make them calm down and go to sleep, Clarke insisted that everyone sleep in the same bed because, apparently, she’d never done a sleepover before. Echo somehow convinced everyone that it wasn’t a good idea— which truly wasn’t given what happened that night. Then, they woke up naked with a splitting headache and no recollection of the past night’s events besides Echo’s description of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Safe to say, they’ll be staying off alcohol for a while after that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which brings the blonde to her current predicament. As per their agreement, Murphy’s never ejaculated inside her. But then, they couldn’t really say that if they had one night they couldn’t remember where they woke up naked and Clarke being extremely sore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To say Clarke was scared would be an understatement. She was <em>terrified. </em>If she did become pregnant, she couldn’t even imagine what it would be like. She knew she’d be a terrible mother; knew that she wouldn’t even come close to being a decent one. She knew that the Ark would be no place to raise a child, and she didn’t even know how she’d be able to give birth to one seeing as they had merely spare antibiotics as medicine since Abby had brought them all down with her, along with any valuable equipment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then there was also the thought that it would mean she’d have to tell her friends, besides Echo and Emori, and even her family down on the bunker, that she’d been sleeping with Murphy. Which she knew she shouldn’t even worry about, because Murphy is a decent lover, but it was a known fact that Murphy wasn’t very reliable unless it came to his own survival— Clarke could only hope that the man had grown out of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also, there was also the fact that <em>Murphy </em>doesn’t know of Clarke’s situation. All he knew so far was that Clarke didn’t feel well, which would explain why she’d woken up this morning regurgitating yesterday’s algae down the toilet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, in the midst of her panic, Clarke was forced to do something she’d never thought she’d do. Not ever. But, desperate times called for desperate measures, and she’d have to accept the reality that she might actually be pregnant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clarke? What are you doing here?” Clarke stood wide-eyed, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to look for the words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- I think I’m pregnant.” Echo gasps, opening the door wider and pulling her inside, quietly nodding at Emori’s stunned figure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit, okay. How do you know? How did it happen? What do you plan on doing? Did you tell him?” Echo fires answers at her, and Clarke could hear the sounds of her words, but nothing seems to be sticking. Everything appeared to be a haze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I missed my period, and I just threw up this morning. I think it was on the night we got drunk. And I don’t know. I’m not killing it, that’s for sure, but I don’t know what to do. Murphy doesn’t know yet, but I’ll tell him once I know for sure. And that’s the thing. I don’t know how to know for sure. I’m scared.” Clarke’s voice trails off, her voice shuddering as she looks down at her hands and realizes that they’d been shaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thought of bringing a life into this world didn’t sound good. She didn’t want her child to be known as the child of a mass-murderer. She definitely didn’t want to raise it in this piece of metal that only made Clarke feel claustrophobic growing up. Clarke had thought for so long that she’d never bare a child; that she’d never expose a life to the harrowing world she lived in, but she didn’t want to get rid of it. There were too many blood in her hands, and she didn’t want her own child, if there actually is one inside her, to be apart of Clarke’s long list of ‘<em>I had no choice</em>’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke knew she was contradicting herself. She didn’t want to bare a child in this world, but yet the thought of having her own child brought a weird comfort in her— the idea of redemption by making sure her child became better than they did. Maybe it was her escapism, a selfish way to make herself feel better as if bringing a child into this world would suddenly cleanse her sins.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. How about we go to the med bay, and see if there’s any pregnancy tests lying around? And then when we know for sure, we’ll figure out what do after. Don’t worry, Clarke. You’ll get through this. You’ve gone through worse.” Echo mumbles, pulling her in for a hug and whispering comfort into her ear. Clarke is still visibly shaking, but she could feel herself beginning to settle down. The thought of not having to go through it alone— to not have to bare it by herself felt like a wave washing over her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The three walk out of Echo’s room, heading to the med bay to confirm whether or not there is a life growing inside Clarke. The thought oddly thrills Clarke, and it only brought even more confusion to Clarke’s contradicting feelings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three hours had passed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The three haven’t found a single pregnancy test despite Clarke repeatedly telling the other women what it looked like. Clarke felt like giving up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The idea of having to wait until a bump started to show as confirmation becoming more possible by the second and Clarke’s just about ready to wrap it up. As she begins to stand up and head to the other room where the two were, Clarke stumbles through a box in her mother’s office. It’s probably as long as a gun, and quite hollow. It’s black, and plain, and definitely looks suspicious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, when Clarke opens it and finds piles upon piles of condoms, as well as pregnancy tests inside, Clarke silently curses the world as to why she hadn’t decided to look for this before she even begun her agreement with Murphy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I found it!” Clarke calls out to the other room, grabbing one and holding it out to the other ladies who gives a slews of cheers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finally! Also, you might want to take that whole box. You two definitely need it.” Emori teases, and Clarke flushes, clearing her throat and grabbing the whole box.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They hastily walk back to Echo’s room, seeing Raven waiting by it, and Clarke immediately takes a step back. Raven is one of two people she definitely did not want finding out before she even found out herself, and frankly, she didn’t want to hear the lecture about how <em>Murphy </em>was never a good idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey. Where have you three been? It’s lunchtime.” Raven calls out, her arms crossed in front of her. Clarke clears her throat nervously, sharing a glance with Emori.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing. We were just walking around.” Echo replies smoothly, and Clarke instantly feels relief that she didn’t want to have to be the one to answer that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, but come on. We’ve been waiting for you. Murphy’s probably ate and left already.” Clarke knew that it wasn’t true. It was weird, but lately it seemed as if Murphy didn’t do anything without her— hence, she knew that he’d certainly wait for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After placing the box inside Echo’s room, they head to the common room. Clarke could feel herself shaking in her feet, wanting to just pee in the damn thing just so she could finally confirm it. Walking inside the room, Murphy is immediately on Clarke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey. How are you feeling? Are you okay?” There it was again. That weird emotion that invaded Clarke’s stomach and made her feel like there was a lump in her throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? What’s wrong with Clarke?” Bellamy speaks up from the head of the table, looking over at Clarke worriedly, but Clarke could only smile and shake her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She threw up this morning. It was so loud I could hear her from her room.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke was mildly impressed by Murphy’s cover up, because on top of possibly telling her friends she was pregnant, she also didn’t want to let them know that she’d basically moved in to Murphy’s room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nothing. Just didn’t feel good, is all. Let’s eat?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Positive.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Two lines.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god. What do I do? How will I even tell them? Murphy? What if he doesn’t want it? I mean, I could possibly raise it alone, but I want it to find out who its father is. Fuck. Oh god.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke is hyperventilating as she holds out the test in her hand. She’d done the test as soon as she finished eating, practically flying out of the room with Echo and Emori hot on her tail, and locked herself in Echo’s bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clarke? Hey, Clarke. You need to relax. Just calm down. We’re here, and we’ll help you through every step of it. If you want, we can come with you when you tell John. We’ll figure it out together. Just breathe, Clarke.” Emori whispers, running her hand through Clarke sweaty forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke slowly nods, getting up from the toilet seat and glancing back down at the object in her hand. She didn’t know what to do, and she was scared of what Murphy would say. Despite saying that she could do it, she didn’t know how she could possibly raise a child all alone. Her mother clearly struggled to take care of her after her father, and she’d always been closer to her father, so what if the same thing happened to her child?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was also the thought of how she was going to do it. Back when she was still her mother’s apprentice, pregnancy was a long and arduous process. They needed ultrasounds, blood tests, and a whole lot of other screenings that they certainly did not have the equipment for. Hell, they most likely didn’t even have the tools to treat a cold. How will they possibly pull a child out of her body out of using antibiotics?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what? I’m going to just kill Murphy. Or I’m going to cut his massive dick off. I’m going to feed it to him, because this is his fault. Well, mine too. But we clearly agreed that he pull out. God, why did we have to get drunk that night? We’re so unprepared for a pregnancy, and I’m guessing none of you know how to deliver a baby?” There were shakes of their heads, and Clarke sighs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Queen Nia wasn’t exactly a fan of procreation unless she was sure the parents are of prime breeding material.” Clarke nods her head in disappointment, running her shaking hands through her messy blonde hair and letting out a long breath. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now that Clarke knew, she was, at the very least, <em>happy. </em>If you ignored the massive horde of problems that would come with pregnancy on a ring with absolutely no equipment to deal with it, she was still excited. Deep inside of her, Clarke knew that she’d try her best. That was what she did best. Tried her hardest, and then hope that it all worked out in the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait. Didn’t Bellamy help deliver Octavia? Maybe he knows?” Emori replies, her voice hopeful. Clarke only shakes her head in response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ignoring the fact that Bellamy was the last person she wanted to find out about her pregnancy, it wasn’t likely that he knew how to deal with a pregnancy. But that wasn’t the problem. She could just teach everyone how to deliver a baby, but what she couldn’t do was check and make sure her baby would be fine inside her stomach, and that it would come out healthy. Judging from the countless times a pregnant woman had to come to her mother every month, waiting for nine months and then simply popping it out wouldn’t cut it. Maybe it was just her need for control talking— knowing that she needed everything to be handled correctly and perfectly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I doubt it. He was like, what, six when Octavia was born?” Clarke sighs out, and could feel the familiar quench in her stomach whenever something wasn’t how it should be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe it’ll be all be fine, Clarke. I mean, back on Earth we didn’t have the equipment you guys had. Everyone pretty much hoped for the best, and you already know what happens to children who don’t come out fine. Okay, maybe not the best train of thought, but what I’m trying to say is women on Earth had to give birth in less than ideal situations. I’m positive that you and the child will be fine.” Emori rambles out, and Clarke gives the woman a small smile for trying to cheer her up, because Clarke is positively close to having a nervous breakdown at this point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think I just need to be alone right now. To gather my thoughts. Thank you both for helping me today. Honestly, I’m extremely grateful that I have you two helping me and supporting me.” Clarke turns around to both women, tears in her eyes that she would never shed because she had to look strong right now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re one of my closest friends, Clarke. And if you can’t deal with telling anyone right now, don’t. You don’t have to tell them anything. You don’t owe them that, and they definitely shouldn’t force it out of you otherwise they’ll be dealing with me. Do you understand?” Echo speaks up, her eyes fierce and her tone firm and Clarke couldn’t help but feel the warmth envelop her body at the thought that she could call <em>Echo </em>a best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Echo.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The girl who came from a clan who wanted her dead. The girl who almost killed Octavia more than once, the girl no one could trust because she was a spy. Echo and Emori— Clarke didn’t deserve them. Here she was, complaining about how she didn’t have the tools to grow a baby inside her, when women literally had no choice but to push a child out and hope for the best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a few more goodbyes, Clarke walks out of the room with the test in her pocket. She didn’t really know where she was going, and she didn’t really want to be with Murphy right now. So, she wanders around the halls and finds herself standing in front of Wells’ room. He’d moved out of his father’s room just before Clarke had been locked up, because he’d claimed that he’d gotten too old to share one with his father, and Clarke could remember feeling jealous at her best friend for his freedom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pushed open the door, and she was instantly met with the memories of their childhood. The walls were littered with Clarke’s drawings, toys and robots that Wells made during his pre-teen days, and there were books on the floor for when they’d sit and just read. Instantly, Clarke was bombarded with guilt, regret, longing and everything in between for her best friend. She couldn’t believe that she was here, right now in his room, while he laid under the dirt lifeless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It wasn’t fair.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d dreamed of Earth together, of what they’d do once they came down. Wells wanted to build his own house, to create everything himself so he could call it his own creation, and then create a whole civilization by his own hands for their people. It was a dream that fit so well with him— a dream solely to care and protect his own people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke sits down on his bed, looking around the small room, and tears begin to stream out of her eyes. The day felt so overwhelming, and everything was happening too fast, and Clarke didn’t know what to do. When they were young, Wells would always be there to help her through her anxieties, to help her face the fact that there were things that were out of her control, and it would often work. When he’d died, there was no one else to keep her grounded. That was probably why everything turned to shit after that, and everything came tumbling down one after another around her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grabbed a picture frame of her and Wells during a dance when they were fifteen. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulder, and the blonde was smiling widely in the camera, carefree and unknowing to the horrors that she’d face when she became older.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, Wells. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to visit. I miss you. I’m sorry for how things ended between us. I should have known that you’d always do everything for my sake, even if I end up hating you. Why did you have to be so selfless? Maybe then you’d be here right now. Maybe then I would have had someone tell me when I was going too far, to stop me from hating myself and wallowing in self-pity.” Clarke pauses, another wave of sobs flying out her body as tears blurred her vision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m pregnant now. I’m so scared. I don’t want to be like mom. She was barely there as a mother growing up, and the only times I could grab her attention was when it was something about medicine. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a good mother. But I don’t know how to do that. How do you turn a monster into a mother? How would I tell them bedtime stories that don’t include death and destruction when that’s all I know? I want to be better for them, but I’m scared because I’m barely holding it together. I’m keeping this baby, but I don’t know what to do, Wells. I need you. I need my best friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke pulls herself down on the bed with the picture still clutched to her chest, and she’s surprised and relieved that the sheets still somehow faintly smelled like him. Of cedar and pinewood and everything Earth-like from his perfume that Clarke had given him on his sixteenth birthday. Memories of blissful innocence, of unhindered laughter and youth invaded her mind and she didn’t want it to go away. Just for one moment, she wanted to wallow in her memories. Memories of a time that seemed like a life-time but was only two years ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t really realize it, but she found herself starting to doze off. She didn’t want to sleep, because she knew someone would go looking for her if she was gone for too long, but the comfort of memories of Wells felt like a lullaby, and Clarke couldn’t help it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clarke? Clarke. Come on, wake up.” A voice murmurs in her ear, and Clarke gives out a whine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just a few more minutes, Wells.” There’s a chuckle, and then a hand is shaking her awake. Clarke grumbles loudly, her eyes still closed and clutching the arm tighter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Arm.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure Wells isn’t here, Clarke, otherwise we’re going to be having problems. I’m not living with a ghost.” Clarke’s eyes shoot up, her gaze falling on Murphy’s arm that she’d somehow gripped tightly during her sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke shakes her head, shaking away the sleep that still lulled her, and begins to stand up. As she did, she is met with a wave of nausea, and she bolts to Wells’ bathroom and leans down over the toilet, throwing up lunch’s algae.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh shit, Clarke. Are you sure it’s not anything serious?” Murphy murmurs, rubbing a hand on her back as Clarke continued to throw up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It is very serious. So extremely serious and terrifying.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once that was done, Clarke washes up and gurgles the mouthwash on Wells’ shelf. She feels kind of embarrassed that Murphy had seen her like this <em>twice, </em>but then again there was going to be probably more of that in the next nine months, so he might as well get used to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then came the impending doom in that she had to tell Murphy. Clarke knew if she didn’t say it right now, she’d lose courage and she didn’t want him getting surprised when she began to show. So, garnering the small amount of strength she had, she turns around and walks back to the middle of the room. She turns to Murphy, seeing his confused and somewhat alarmed face as though he was beginning to figure it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murphy, I’m pregnant.” She didn’t really know what reaction he’d make. That was why she had been so scared to tell him in the first place, but she definitely did not expect this one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>He smiled.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, a lot happened in the chapter, amirite?  </p>
<p>I mean Clarke's pregnant now? If ya'll are wondering, yes MADI will be here, but the baby is an OC. So, I guess that's a clue on what I plan on doing in the future? IDK if it actually is a hint though, lol. </p>
<p>ALSO, just a slight disclaimer that this isn't accurate with canon. So, as I said at the start, settings and certain facts like the expiration dates of condoms are altered to help with context and certain plot events.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Interlude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>YALLLLLL! I'm so sorry for not updating for so damn long! I recently moved, and my life had become so hectic and stressful that I just wasn't in the right mentality to sit down and write! So, I'm sorry it you all thought I abandoned this, because trust me I couldn't even if I wanted to! As soon as I did find the time, this chapter was something I felt I NEEDED to get out before anything else. So, please enjoy this, and lemme know what you think!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When John Murphy was only five years old, his father told him a piece of advice that would later on shape who he became.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“In life, everyone has different paths to their story. Some would lead to treasures and success, while most lead to disappointment and hardships, and some spend their whole lives trekking on that path aimlessly, not finding anything. You, John, are part of that majority. You were not born with a silver spoon, or meant to go into a path of greatness. Life will be shitty for you, as it has been for me on this ship and so many others. You are unlucky. But, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try your hardest to change that. When you grow up, you need to be selfish. You need to be a survivalist. You have to have a Me Vs. Us mentality. Most importantly, you need to learn how to set your own path.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Safe to say, John Murphy grew up to be the most selfish person on Earth. It was true though. Ever since the death of his parents, life became absolute crap for him. He had to do everything in his power to get by on his own.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe burning down the Chancellor’s place hadn’t been the best idea— it came from a place of anger and frustration of facing the truth that his father had deeply ingrained in him. He’d wondered for so long why it had to be him that was unlucky. Why it had to be him that had to lay in bed every night all alone and nothing to help warm up the emptiness inside him.</p><p> </p><p>When he was locked up in that damned cell, and the grey walls slowly consumed his sanity, all he could think about was the ticking days where he’d finally be able to escape his reality. But, as usual, life always threw him in a loop, and this time it was landing in a place he could only dream of going to.</p><p> </p><p>Landing on Earth, that was his first chance. A chance to be a part of that small percentage of people who lived life fully and comfortably— where he could tell someone to do something for him, and they’d try desperately to please him. While it wasn’t a very righteous motive, John Murphy was a selfish man, and he wasn’t about to shrink himself down from the title.</p><p> </p><p>But, as luck usually was with him, his chance fizzled out. A misunderstanding and a child almost cost him his life, and then he was all alone again. Deep inside him, the part that wanted to go back to that innocent child who dreamed of escaping from that ship and exploring the universe, John Murphy wanted to be the good guy. He wanted to be the guy that everyone cheered on for succeeding, the one everyone comforted for failing, and the one everyone turned to when they needed help.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A man like Bellamy Blake.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>However, he had been the one who fired that gun. He had been the one to shoot Raven that resulted in her permanent pain. He had been the one selfish enough to escape from the horrors of life and sought a fruitless dream— only to be stranded in a place of lost memories and failed dreams.</p><p> </p><p>But, in that barren desert, his second chance came in the form of a woman. Her hand was severely disfigured, and life had also failed her. She wasn’t the usual beauty he’d fantasize about when he was a child, nor the type of woman he wanted to fall in love with, but she was a woman who needed to not be alone just as much he did. Slowly, she found his way into his heart, and left a permanent mark.</p><p> </p><p>They sought each other out, looked out for each other because who else would? She kept him grounded, and he loved her as deeply as someone can love somebody else. With her, he felt like he could take on anything, and the idea of finally being able to achieve happiness slowly bubbled inside him.</p><p> </p><p>With her, he dreamed of building a life away from his past. A farm, maybe a couple of animals to take care of. Hell, he even wanted children. He wanted to see someone he created look up at him with hope and love. He wanted to give them a different advice than his father did, because even though it brought Murphy that far, they wouldn’t be happy. He could just imagine it. He’d try his hardest to make sure that they remain with their innocence until they’re fully prepared to face the world, and he wanted to make sure that they would become better people than he and his people were.</p><p> </p><p>But those were just dreams and fantasies, and his reality was being burnt to a crisp leaving nothing but ashes and broken dreams.</p><p> </p><p>Life always had a crazy way of showing its hatred for John Murphy, because as soon as he finally found a piece of heaven, it was snatched away from him and left him bare. He thought that being in space with nothing but a group of people he’d grown accustomed to the past year, he would finally be happy. However, being back in the place where his parents died and where his innocence was ripped away from him sent him back on that same downward spiral.</p><p> </p><p>Then, his third chance came in one Clarke Griffin. Third time’s a charm, as they always said. Her hair a beautiful, soft blonde that he could run his hands through for hours; her eyes an electric blue he could get lost in, and a smile so rare and so precious he’d dream of it in his sleep. She was so different from the woman he loved so deeply before, but yet they fit together perfectly. She was his foil— meant to break down every wall he’d built up and she wove her way into his life so seamlessly.</p><p> </p><p>At first, he hadn’t thought much about her. In fact, he even hated her at the beginning. John didn’t like the way she’d boss everyone around, and the way she’d assert herself into every problem and deem her solution the only viable option. But then, as the months passed, he saw the pain she’d go through just for her people.</p><p> </p><p>He saw the way she would constantly blame herself for every bad thing that happens, and the way she would push her own pain down when her people needed her. He felt bad for Clarke Griffin— that was what he told himself whenever he’d look at her for a second too long, or found himself wondering how she was or what she was doing when his eyes couldn’t see hers.</p><p> </p><p>But maybe he also could relate to her pain. While she grew up in an entirely different environment than he did, he understood the pain of life just being an outright asshole. He understood the fact that even if her decisions lead to massacres or genocides, it also weighed her down to the point where she was drowning, and no one ever really noticed it.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe that was why being on that ship, and after the woman he loved breaking up with him, John Murphy gravitated to Clarke Griffin.</p><p> </p><p><em>Two lost souls who haven’t found their place in the univers</em>e.</p><p> </p><p>Every night they spent together, every conversation they’d have, it all brought him a sense of peace he’d never felt before. The type of peace you’d feel when you’re ready to go into that final sleep, and the type of peace where he could let go of everything that happened to him in the past and move on.</p><p> </p><p>However, as the days passed, the nights felt shorter, the days felt longer, and the sweet moments he shared with the blonde became fleeting moments that he never wanted to end. As she shared moments of her past, and he to her, he could not help but wish that he had been there to witness those precious memories— to be apart of those memories just as much as he wished she were part of what precious memories he had of his youth.</p><p> </p><p>And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he found himself unable to look away from Clarke Griffin’s smile, unable to shut his ears from her laughter, and he could not— for the life of him— shake off the warmth he felt when he gazes into those hypnotic blue.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe it had been there from the start.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>John Murphy never really noticed it. But he’d guessed that Emori did, otherwise they would still be together. Had he stopped himself from doing what he did for her, maybe Emori wouldn’t have left him— maybe then he wouldn’t have been so conflicted over his feelings for Clarke. But as the feeling lingered and the doubt pestered, he began to see that maybe there <em>was </em>something there that he’d never noticed.</p><p> </p><p>At first, it had probably just been envy, or hatred, and then it turned into interest. The way a tiny thought of ‘<em>what would Clarke do?’ </em>or ‘<em>Would she have done this differently?’ </em>would fly through his brain even during menial tasks, the way he’d sometimes think of a time where the blonde smiled— of how much he wanted to see it again. Maybe that was why he’d roamed the halls when the blonde was reading her medical books, or scribbling on her notebook, trying to look for that beautiful dress that could somehow show her that he wasn’t the man who’d made a friend paralyzed, or the man who betrayed their trust over and over again, but as someone who could make her <em>happy.</em></p><p> </p><p>Nonetheless, it was never something that hits him in the face and make him realize what he truly felt for her; there was never a great big epiphany, or a catalyst that changed the way he saw her.</p><p> </p><p>But, none of that matters now. What matters now, is that the woman he loves just told him that he would become a father.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A father.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>What seemed like a mere fantasy then, now became a reality. A thought he longed for so long but knew he could never have, and Clarke Griffin just gave it to him. A <em>family. </em>Something that had been ripped away from him so early on in his life. As the seconds ticked by after the revelation, his thoughts were fuelled once more by the images of the future.</p><p> </p><p>He thought of children running around a home <em>they </em>made, in a vast forest free from the pain and the torture they’d endured for a year, him running after them as happy as can be, and then he’d look over their home, and he’d see Clarke sitting in a chair with a peaceful smile on her face, scratching away at the notebook in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>It was, by far, his image of heaven. Even the very thought of it gave him the warmest feeling in his heart, and he knew he could not screw this up. He’d be the best damn father anyone’s ever had. He’d tell them stories, help them grow into people they’d be proud of, and he’ll give them the childhood he or the rest of the Hundred never had. When the time comes when it is his time to pass on a piece of knowledge like his father did, maybe this time the words will hold all the hope and the love he’d felt; not at the world, or the hardships he’d gone through and learned from, but from the women in his life who’d helped him feel that hope and love. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe someday he’ll tell the woman of his love for her. The constant need to be in her orbit, to see those beautiful blue eyes, that rare smile that seems to alleviate all of the world’s problem— someday he may look into those eyes, and know that she knows how he feels. But, he’s a coward. He isn’t the most loyal, the strongest, or the smartest and the man who could charge through a whole clan just to get to her, and he knows he’ll never be that man. He’ll never be the man she’ll long for, but maybe <em>someday, </em>she’d grow to love the man that he is.</p><p> </p><p>His first two chances may not have worked out, but John Murphy knows in his very core thatthis third chance, this headstrong woman named Clarke Griffin, would be his last. Just as his father said, he is unlucky, but he’s never felt more luckier in his life than now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Clarke really isn't that great dealing with mundane things, and this was definitely not taught in Earth Skills.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, does that mean you’ll call me Daddy now?”</p><p> </p><p>When Clarke told the father of her child that she was pregnant, she expected him to walk out. Honestly, what else could you expect from John Murphy? Clarke expected him to dramatically proclaim to get rid of it, that he won’t be supporting it, but it seemed as if it had become a hobby for him to knock her off her feet. As soon as he found out, he’d done the most unexpected thing he’d ever done.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He hugged her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t even one of those barely secure hug, the ones you use when you see an old friend that you’ve long since lost touch with, but didn’t want to seem too aloof. No. It was a bone-crushing hug, filled with joy and excitement and glee and made Clarke feel like the warmest blanket wrapped around her. Then, as if a door had opened, Clarke cried. She’d grasped onto his hug, milking that comforting feeling as much as she could, because she never really thought how much she needed it until it was there.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, there were still so many things to talk about, but Clarke was content in knowing that she wasn’t alone. That she didn’t have to tell her child where their father was, whether he’d come back, or whether or not he loved them.</p><p> </p><p>Which brings her to the present, where she’s currently wrapped up in the arms of John Murphy in their bed with her back against his chest. He had his arm wound tightly around her waist, while the other played with her blonde hair. They weren’t naked or anything, didn’t engage in anything sexual, but weirdly she’s never felt anything more intimate than what she was doing now.</p><p> </p><p>“I bet that’s one of your kinks, isn’t it? You want someone to call you Daddy?” Clarke teases back, the smile on her face not fading the last few hours since she told Murphy.</p><p> </p><p>“I will neither confirm nor deny that. So, on to a more serious note, how do you want to go about this?”</p><p> </p><p>There were a lot of things that could be interpreted with that question. If he was asking about the pregnancy itself and the process, she did not know. If he meant about their relationship as co-parents that fuck, she did not know. Actually, Clarke’s pretty sure she’s never not known what to do as much as she does now.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean about the people we live in. I don’t want to talk about the technicalities right now, because I know that’s a can of worms saved for another day. Do you just want to walk into the living room tomorrow and tell them that you got buns in the oven? Or do you just want to wait until they stop believing that you’re just getting bigger because you can’t get enough of Monty’s algae?” Clarke gives out a laugh, still finding it a wonder how Murphy could find the humour in everything. That would come in handy with their child, because god knows Clarke wouldn’t be the carefree, cool parent.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Echo and Emori knows. They helped me find the pregnancy test. I’m not really worried about Harper and Monty. They’re too nice to not be supportive. What I am worried about is the other couple. I’m pretty sure once I tell them, they’d go off on a spiel about how a mass-murderer and a well-known skipper would be the worst parent and why it had to be you I had to screw around with.”</p><p> </p><p>That seemed very on-brand with Raven and Bellamy. They were two people who had strong opinions, and weren’t afraid to share them. Clarke was sure that as Bellamy’s best friend, he would be protective just as he was with Octavia. Sure, Clarke knew that they’d be amazing aunts and uncles, but Clarke’s even more sure that they’ll never get over the fact that it was <em>John Fucking Murphy </em>who had been the father of her child.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just like ripping a band-aid, Clarke. We all know that those two aren’t the fondest of me, so at least we already expect their reaction. We can just mentally prepare for that. I think they’d be even more upset if they find out that Echo and Emori found out before they did. Speaking of, how did <em>she </em>react to that?” Clarke sighs, because how could she forget that they never really intended to have a child together, and were most likely saving that for the people they actually loved?</p><p> </p><p>“She was fine with it. Happy. I’m sorry, Murphy. I know it was her you wanted to build a family with. I got in the way of that, so I’m really sorry.” As soon as Clarke finishes her apology, the blonde feels Murphy pulling his arms away. Suddenly, he grasps her shoulders tightly and turns her body so they lay face-to-face.</p><p> </p><p>This close to the man, under the light and not the usual darkness that surrounded them when they have sex, she could see the finer details of John Murphy. She could see the faint freckles that littered his face from being in constant view of the sun, the tiny cut on his right temple from the many injuries they’d endured, and the faint stubble that she has yet to feel when they kiss. This was John Murphy in his most purest form— not the angry, or the nonchalant, or the one who always had one foot out the door. It was like he’d already opened himself up to her, and she never really noticed the vulnerability that he gave to her until now.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it, Clarke. I just wanted to know. I’m not upset that it was you who would be the mother of my child. You’re so strong, and smart, and so fucking badass so who wouldn’t want you as their mother? I never really wanted a child, because I never thought it was possible. But the moment you told me, I’ve never felt more happier. It was like the world opened up around me. I promise to be better for this child. I promise to try to be a good father and I know you’re going to be the best mother, and I also know you’re thinking that’s not going to happen, but I’m sure you will be. We’ll figure it out, together. And, we’ll tell our friends together. Just tell me when.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thump…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thump…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thump…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There it was again. That tightening feeling in her heart, the butterflies flying around in her stomach. Clarke didn’t know what it meant, just that she felt it every time she had a meaningful moment with Murphy. She couldn’t pinpoint the emotion, because she felt like she was feeling it all at once.</p><p> </p><p>It all happened so fast that Clarke didn’t know how it happened. She felt herself surging forward, pressing her palm on Murphy’s cheek, and then pressing her hot lips to his gently. It wasn’t the usual rough kisses they shared during sex. They definitely weren’t planning on having sex tonight, and Clarke’s pretty sure she’d just broken her own rule of not kissing outside of sex, but it felt so good. So good to feel his lips respond back to her touch, to feel his hands weaving themselves through her hair and pulling her even closer, to feel so appreciated and treated so tenderly. The kiss was slow, gentle and all-encompassing. There was an intensity to it that made Clarke’s brain feel hazy, her thoughts blurry, and her heart beating erratically.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy didn’t move from his position— just presses Clarke closer to him without the urgency to gain sexual relief. Their lips moved together perfectly, their tongues dancing together like two beings meant to be, and they only pulled away when they needed to breathe. Clarke looked at Murphy’s deep, blue eyes, and she could see the tenderness weaved into it; Clarke was sure she sported the same in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“So, do you want me to call you Daddy now?”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>The change was subtle. There were still no baby bump, which was fortunate because Clarke still wasn’t ready to tell the others, but she could see Murphy starting to change over the next few weeks. Subtly.</p><p> </p><p>First, it was getting her to drink water more. Then, it was trying to get her out of training with Echo, who happily obliged but left the others severely confused. But then, three weeks after finding out, Murphy practically exploded from worry when he found out that Clarke had slipped and fell on her butt.</p><p> </p><p>Then, there were more obvious, but still subtle, changes in his behaviour. The first thing Clarke noticed was that he’d unconsciously sat closer to her during their movie nights. One time, he’d even wrapped his arm around her shoulder when the room had been dark and the T.V serving as the only light. At night, he didn’t ask for sex as much. No, he just liked to cuddle with Clarke as he rubbed her stomach and pressed gentle kisses on her hair.</p><p> </p><p>It was six weeks into her pregnancy when Murphy began to think about baby names. They laid in their bed, Clarke’s back pressed against his chest as his hand caressed her hair and stomach. It was Murphy’s favourite position, it seemed, as every night they laid like this.</p><p> </p><p>“What about Clarphy? Clurphy if it’s a boy.” Clarke scrunches her nose, shaking her head disapprovingly.</p><p> </p><p>“Those names can just go float themselves. I’m not naming our child that.” Clarke hisses out, hearing the laughter erupting from the man behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“What about Jason? Amanda? Kelly? Oh! How about Alexander? That’s my dad’s name.” The blonde smiles. She loved seeing Murphy looking so invested in something, and she wouldn’t complain that it was at her and their baby.</p><p> </p><p>“Alexander sounds nice. It means Protector. No to the girl names though. How about Alexandra?” Clarke added, and she could hear Murphy humming into her hair in approval. Clarke could feel herself smiling proudly, because she’d secretly hoped he’d like it. As much as it was to honour Murphy’s father, it also honoured the girl who gave her life for Clarke, and her people.</p><p> </p><p>“Alexandra Murphy. I like that. Alex for short. You’re good at this, Griffin. If it’s a boy, I suggest for a middle name to be Jake. Alexander Jake Murphy. Because at least I’d want him to know that he had two amazing grandfathers. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Clarke giggled, shaking her head and turning around to look up at Murphy, a lazy smile on his face as he looks down at her. She could feel warmth enveloping her, because Murphy had never shared anything about his father before.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds amazing, Murphy. Oh, and we are definitely hyphenating the last name.” Murphy only smiled down at her, pressing a hand on the back of her head and pulling her to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever the hell you want, Princess.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Clarke was in great trouble.</p><p> </p><p>She was so in trouble.</p><p> </p><p>Why? Because for the last few weeks, she’s realized that she hadn’t thought about her feelings for Bellamy at all. Instead, her dreams and fantasies were littered of her and Murphy, of their child and living in a forest and living in peace. As a family.</p><p> </p><p>So, Clarke is in serious trouble.</p><p> </p><p>Then, it didn’t help when one afternoon when Murphy was busy helping out Raven with something, as Clarke was absentmindedly doodling in her drawing book, she found herself sketching out Murphy’s face. She’d paid close mind to the ridges on his face, every curve and every round shape as though she’d spent a lifetime looking at it. And she did. Lately, she found herself looking longer than usual, admiring his body and his face and the way he always seemed to smile at everything but tried hard not to show it.</p><p> </p><p>For a while, Clarke forced herself to believe it was the hormones talking. That it was normal to think that way to the father of her child, but then how could she possible explain why every time Murphy looked at her or talked to her, all she could imagine was wrapping her arms around him and kissing him like the world was ending, again.</p><p> </p><p>But, one particular event stood out the most. An epiphany, Clarke guessed. It was during the night, as they still basked in the after-sex glow, when Clarke looked up and saw Murphy’s eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. She couldn’t remember exactly the emotions she felt, but the overwhelming happiness stood out the most. A type of content that she’s never felt before. It was like she was fifteen again, staring at her crush with such adoration it felt like the air was whipped out of her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘I love you.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She’d whispered in her head as she watched his chest rise and fall in a calm pattern. And, for the first time in her life, she didn’t feel guilty or worried or ashamed of her feelings. No, it was like her feelings had always been there, hiding patiently until the time came when it suddenly popped out and made itself known. Strangely, she wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t afraid that maybe Murphy didn’t feel the same way, that maybe Murphy would reject her or get angry for breaking the rules. It was all put aside from the bliss of <em>finally </em>finding out that emotion she started feeling two months ago.</p><p> </p><p><em>She’ll wait. </em>Clarke knew she was good at that. She’ll wait for when Murphy would finally be ready to love again. She’ll be satisfied with knowing that they’ll be raising their child together, because she has to. Maybe she’ll tell him how she feels now, or maybe never, but Clarke was satisfied with how things were. Of course, nothing beats calling the man you loved yours, to be connected both physically and spiritually, but she’s content, and that’s all that matters.</p><p> </p><p>So, Clarke decided that she was ready to tell their friends about her pregnancy. She was no longer afraid of how Bellamy would react, no longer afraid of the judgment she’d receive from Raven for sleeping with Murphy because in her love for the man, she found the strength to finally be selfish and pick her own happiness over others. John Murphy is a good man, and Clarke’s damn proud of him and the growth he’s had the past year.</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Two more weeks passed by, and it’s only one more week ‘till Clarke would start to show. The blonde was nervous because as much as she’d like to say that she would be ready for whatever words everyone would throw at her, there were still the lingering doubts. Many of them, though she hated to admit it, consisted of fearing that her friends would think she didn’t deserve the happiness she felt.</p><p> </p><p>Because, as cheesy as it sounded, she is incredibly happy. Every day, when she wakes up in the arms of Murphy, she spends a good few minutes just looking up at his peaceful face and feeling the content seep through her bones. She’d remember that they were going to have a child together, and no matter what Murphy would say once he finds out about her feelings, at least she had some part of him that she could cherish and show her love to.</p><p> </p><p>It was weird, because Clarke had obviously been in love before. Only three months ago, she’d thought that Bellamy was her great, and final, love. Then, the hurricane that is John Murphy came, and Clarke didn’t expect anything like this happening. <em>John Murphy, </em>of all people— the guy she’d wrongly accused of murdering her best friend and subsequently almost got him killed, the guy who caused Raven to always feel that pain in her leg, the guy who’d do anything for the sake of his survival. She loved every part of him, flaws and all because she knows she has too much to judge his own.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke also didn’t forget that he’d been the only one to take away the nightmares that plagued her sleep since they dropped down on Earth. That he was the first guy who didn’t make her feel like she owed anything to her people, and didn’t expect anything in return. He’d also been the first person who’d made her feel more herself since her father died. All in all, John Murphy was one of her firsts in all the things that mattered. Clarke realized that it was simply bound to happen that she falls in love with him. </p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Clarke found herself sitting alone by the massive window that overlooked her home. She’d been so into her thoughts that she never realized that she got here, but she didn’t mind it. Clarke subconsciously pressed a hand to her stomach, rubbing it gently.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s home.” Clarke whispers, but she feels quite stupid doing so.</p><p> </p><p>Lately, Clarke’s noticed that her boobs had gotten bigger, which had been a delight for Murphy. The morning sickness had gotten worse, her body ached and felt sore all the time, and she felt bloated all the damn time. Yet, Clarke still felt stupid to talk to the baby growing inside of her. It was definitely confusing, and annoying, and Clarke would simply blame it on the mood swings.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you doing?” A voice asks her from behind, and Clarke turns to see Echo leaning against the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“As good as I can be, probably. Everything hurts, but Murphy seems to like these even more, so I guess that’s a win?” Clarke points at her breasts, and Echo gives a light chuckle as she walks closer.</p><p> </p><p>“You look good. Honestly. Pregnancy suits you.” Echo replies, and Clarke could feel a blush coming. She didn’t handle compliments well— probably because she’s gotten more critiques than compliments for the past year.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel good. I’m happy. I think it’s been such a long time since I’ve felt like this, and it’s all thanks to this little guy. We’ve decided on names. Do you want to hear them?” Echo hums in agreement, looking longingly at the burned planet.</p><p> </p><p>Echo, despite her tough exterior, is a kind woman who’d do anything for her family. For most of her life, that family consisted of the Ice Nation, and to suddenly be thrust onto an entirely different environment, with people she barely knew and had been her enemy not too long ago, Clarke couldn’t even fathom how Echo was feeling right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Alexandra for a girl. Alexander Jake for a boy. It’s, you know, <em>her</em> name. But it’s also his father’s name. Jake’s my dad’s name, so we thought it would be the best of both worlds. How is it?” Clarke looks up, her icy blue eyes hopeful and sparkling against the sun’s rays. There was one thing that Murphy and Clarke had discussed, and Clarke hoped that Echo would agree to it.</p><p> </p><p>“Not bad. Though, it would be even better if I became the godmother, but no pressure.” Clarke gave a relief sigh, and chuckled along.</p><p> </p><p>“About that. Murphy and I actually do want you to be the godparent. As a thanks for everything you’ve done for us. Plus, it would be cool if my child had the most badass godmother, and we know that you’re completely capable of protecting them if we were gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Echo looks down at her, her brown eyes almost glazed over as her lips trembled. It was a look that the warrior has never harboured before, so it was definitely a refreshing sight to see. It made Echo look more soft, and fragile, which certainly wasn’t a bad thing.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d be honoured, Clarke. I’ll give them my life, if I have to. You know I can be extremely loyal. I won’t let you down.” Clarke shakes her head, putting her hands up to her sides and gesturing for the brunette to walk closer. Echo does, wrapping toned arms around Clarke’s waist and pressing her chin on the blonde’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t, Echo. You’re family now. Even if you screw up ten times over, we’ll be there to support you. Murphy too. Speaking of, we’re trying to decide when to tell the others. Think you can help with that?” Echo gives the blonde a grin as she pulls away, nodding her head happily and then turning back to the window.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how do you plan on telling them? You do know that there’s a possibility a certain couple wouldn’t approve of <em>this</em>, right?” Echo murmurs, and Clarke turns towards the window as well, giving a hum of agreement.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly? I don’t really care anymore. I’m through with seeking others for approval. I’m happy, Murphy’s happy, and we’re going to have this baby whether or not they like it. I really think that Murphy’s going to be an amazing father, and certainly will be a better parent than me. Like, I get it. I do. Murphy’s still done a lot of incredibly bad things, especially to Raven, and I’m not trying to downplay that, but I really think he’s changed, you know? He’s taken care of me better than I have in a long time, and that really says something.” Echo didn’t reply, instead turning to face Clarke with a flabbergasted expression. Clarke looks back, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion at the woman’s face. It didn’t seem like she said anything wrong, and definitely not something that could offend Echo.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. You love him, don’t you?” Clarke had a single second of alarm seep into her bones as she heard the words, and then it was replaced by fear.</p><p> </p><p>She’d probably been so obvious with her feelings, and so much that Echo noticed it. So, what if Murphy could tell? What if he knew she loved him, and didn’t do anything about it, because he didn’t feel the same way? Despite Clarke being so adamant that she’d be fine if Murphy didn’t love her back, she was still afraid to hear him say it.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not denying it. Clarke, do you love Murphy?” Clarke gives Echo a defeated look, nodding her head slowly. It felt weird to say it out loud, and it made her feelings even more poignant at the fact that somebody else knew of them and probably knew that there was no chance of her feelings being reciprocated.</p><p> </p><p>“I do. How can I not? He’s been so great with me, and this whole child situation. I know that we’ll never happen. We made a deal at the very beginning that we won’t fall in love with each other. I even made it a point that this kind of thing never worked, and someone always catches feelings. I just didn’t expect it to be <em>me. </em>I mean, not a few months ago, I loved Bell—” Clarke immediately shut up, her mouth clasping together in a click as her eyes widen and looks up at Echo, who holds a knowing smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. You loved Bellamy. It was pretty obvious. I think everyone knew, besides Bellamy of course because the man’s clueless with that kind of thing. Anyways, I’m not shaming you or judging you, Clarke. We can’t help who we fall in love with. Trust me. I’ve never said it before, but I think I love Emori too. I guess we both failed in the ‘this is strictly casual sex’ department, huh.” Clarke couldn’t help it. She gave out a loud laugh. So hard, her sides began to hurt and tears began to stream out of the corner of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Who would’ve thunk that two people who hail from completely different sides of the spectrum could bond over something so <em>mundane </em>as falling in love? Actually, maybe they weren’t that different after all. They were both two hardened warriors, forced to adapt in harsh environments at an age where they shouldn’t have even had to think about that, and now they’re stuck in a ring of metal when all they want is to feel the grass between their toes and the sun in their faces. Thinking of it that way, it was like looking at a mirror. Maybe that was why Clarke found it so funny, or maybe it was just her pregnancy and hormones talking.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, if someone told me six months ago that you would be one of my best friends, I would’ve laughed in their face. Now, I just want to thank you for being there. And I sincerely promise that should you ever need someone to vent to about your feelings, I’m always available. Seriously, Echo.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I, to you.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~</p><p> </p><p>Their usual movie night came. Murphy sat beside her, the heat from his own body radiating off of him and calming down the nerves she felt. She’d told him that she would be telling them tonight, and he’d promised to stay by her and to support her every step of the way. Echo and Emori too. They even chose to sit on her other side, just so Clarke wouldn’t feel nervous when Bellamy decided to take his usual spot; which he couldn’t and thus he sulked on the floor with Raven leaning on him.</p><p> </p><p>They were playing some random movie, and everyone wasn’t really paying attention. Monty had chosen the movie, and he always had the most unusual taste in movies, which provided Clarke the utmost attention should she need it— which she definitely did.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Better now than never.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, there’s something I need to tell you.” Clarke’s voice broke the silence over the room, and Emori stands up, heading over to turn on the lights. Heads immediately turn to her voice, and under the intense gazes of her family, she could feel herself withering slightly.</p><p> </p><p>She could see the confused looks they shared, most likely wondering why Murphy had his arms wrapped around her shoulder, or why they were sitting so close to each other Clarke was practically on his lap. Murphy probably knew it was no use to hide it, as they would soon be finding out that he’d knocked her up. Cuddling in a couch didn’t even come close to the lewd things they’ve done.</p><p> </p><p>“What is it, Clarke?” Bellamy’s booming voice spoke up, and Clarke cleares her throat, clutching Murphy’s hand under the blanket they shared.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, uh, you see. I’m pregnant?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also, the timeline of this story gets a little jumbled at times, but let's just say that this chapter is within the three months of Clarke's pregnancy! That would mean that about 9 months have passed since they got to the Ring, and maybe 7 months since this whole FWB started. Honestly though, my memory isn't great, and going through each chapters is something my lazy brain just cannot handle lol. If ya'll do happen to know the real timeline, lemme know in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Part 2 of Clarke.exe not working.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a slight warning for those of ya'll not ready for it, but there will be a small smutty scene at the end. Of course, you did click on an Explicit fic, so this shouldn't surprise you. Anyways, Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you asking us, or are you telling us?”</p><p> </p><p>Granted, there were a thousand better ways to have gone about it. A thousand other ways that could have gone better than what did, but Clarke would simply say she was pregnant and creating a child inside her made her forget about all those other different, much better ways.</p><p> </p><p>“Telling you?”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke knew she was just asking for the worst. Maybe this wasn’t the right moment, or maybe the right place, or maybe Clarke isn’t in the right mind space, but really, Clarke’s just deathly nervous. Maybe even more so than trying to absolve Bellamy of his crimes by asking the man he’d tried to kill, meeting the commander of the grounders for the first time, or every time she had to make decisions for her people that no one was ready to face. Truth be told, Clarke had spent so long as the level-headed leader that the moment she is thrust onto uncharted waters, her brain completely shut down.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Clarke. You’re killing me. Yes, she’s pregnant. I am the father. We’re not together, but we’re raising this kid as a family. Yes, we’ve been screwing around for two months after arriving back here. No, we are not accepting applicants for a third person. Anything I missed?” Clarke could feel a bright blush seep into her skin as Murphy confidently spewed out answers to questions they were most likely going to ask.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Clarke’s incredibly grateful she had Murphy with her. She didn’t know how she could possibly answer such questions without blubbering around or freezing right on the spot. She could handle assassins, or rival clans, or even the goddamn end of the world, but she could not handle having people ask her about her sex life.</p><p> </p><p>“I do. I get it, Clarke. Less options while in space, but <em>him? </em>What, does he have magical pheromones or something? I just never pegged you to go for the types of <em>him</em>.” Clarke wanted to decline. She wanted to shut Raven down and tell her that Murphy’s just as capable and great as Monty or Bellamy, but she didn’t know how to do that without screaming out to the universe that she’s madly in love with the father of her child.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s easy. I got a big dick, and I know how to use it.” That was the final straw that made Clarke slap Murphy harshly on the arm, earning a deep chuckle from the man.</p><p> </p><p>A quiet hum from Clarke’s right rings out, and Clarke turns to Emori who had nodded in agreement. The rest of their friends awkwardly turn as well, and Emori simply shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I certainly didn’t fall for his amazing personality.” A light chuckle from the group emerges, and Clarke could feel herself calming down at seeing her friends take the news so lightly, even from <em>the </em>Raven Reyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Ignore our confusions. We’re happy for you guys. Really. Just tell us what you need, and we’ll do everything we can to help.” Clarke smiles warmly at Harper and bobs her head in gratefulness.</p><p> </p><p>Even though the room felt hugely more loose, Clarke couldn’t ignore the troubled look on Bellamy’s face. The blonde knew he hadn’t said anything, nor did he show any type of emotion that could clue in on what he thought of the pregnancy, so Clarke is undeniably worried. Bellamy Blake, unrequited love or not, is still her best friend, and she needed to know that he’s with her and supports her, as that was what they did. They relied on each other, and they always knew that they had each other’s corners. It kills Clarke not to know what he feels right now. Especially if they plan on making him a god-parent.</p><p> </p><p>After the excitement dies down and Harper stops talking about sewing clothes for the baby, or Raven fluttering on and on about how she’d make the child her apprentice, Bellamy stands up. He turns to Clarke, and nods his head to the door. Clarke feels Murphy’s hand tighten around her, and she gives it a light squeeze to reassure the man.</p><p> </p><p>They both walk out of the room, and head to the massive window that seems to have become the spot where meaningful talks happened. Clarke could feel her heart racing, her palms sweating and her mouth becoming dry as she silently follows Bellamy. Once they arrive, Bellamy turns to her with a pained expression, and Clarke could feel her heart break.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re best friends, right? I know the past several months we really haven’t gotten back to acting like it, but we still are, right? At least, that’s what I think. Who knows. Maybe Murphy’s your best friend now. It’s just, I feel really hurt that this was such a big thing in your life, and I didn’t know about it sooner. I’m not trying to compare, well maybe I am, but I told you what I felt about Raven as soon as I started feeling it. I guess I was just hoping we were in the same page in that we could tell each other everything.” Clarke immediately feels the guilt seep through her bones as she sees Bellamy’s troubled face.</p><p> </p><p>He isn’t wrong. Clarke had spent a long time trying to shut down her feelings for the man, and it was one of the hardest things she’d had to do. Even a simple smile, a knowing look, or a single touch threw Clarke into a frenzy, and for a long time she’d found it hard to act normal around him without revealing such a big secret. Clarke realizes that maybe it wasn’t his fault that they grew apart then, because it had always been Clarke who pushed him away.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I think that there’s been too much that happened between us, too much crap that we had to do and that <em>I </em>did to you. You know, closing that hatch while the rest of our friends were still up there, threatening to shoot you, everything. I think by then, I didn’t feel like I deserved to have that relationship with you. I felt like we were no longer at that stage where we could tell each other anything, because I feel like you’ll always feel some anger at me for doing the things I did. I was being a coward, and I was too afraid to dig deep in fear that the friendship we had left would crumble. I’m really sorry, Bellamy.” Clarke feels a tear slip down her cheek, and she wipes it away as quickly as she could.</p><p> </p><p>Bellamy looks at her for a moment, and then gives a quiet sigh. He walks forward, and then Clarke feels his strong arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her in close. Clarke, as though a dam had broken, immediately clutches onto her best friend — the man who had become her stability while on Earth. The man who’d do everything for her, and vice versa. Bellamy Blake, while in the nearly two years that she’s known him, had quickly become one of the most important people in her life, and she couldn’t even see a different reality where he wasn’t there. Clarke realized then that this was better than having whatever she hoped for, because having Bellamy as her best friend made her a better person, and she couldn’t fathom the awkwardness and the pressure she’d put on Bellamy had she tried to push her feelings onto him.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that we’re not the best at being best friends, but I’ll try harder. I’ll be better, and I hope you do too. We’re a team, Clarke. The heart and the head, right? I need you, and I hope that you’ll need me too, even if you already have someone there with you. And yes, I am extremely happy for you. You’d be an amazing mother, and I think Murphy would be a great father, too.” Clarke lets out a grin, wrapping her arms tighter around his waist and breathing in deeply.</p><p> </p><p>This was what she missed— the bear hugs, the deep talks, the idea of being able to depend on each other even if the world was burning. She’d somehow lost that while in space, even if they were so close to each other and no longer needed to think about saving their people. Clarke knew that she’d always have some deep feeling that no friendship can ever describe towards the man, but now she’d be able to confirm that her heart wholeheartedly belongs to Murphy.</p><p> </p><p>They pull away, and they turn towards their planet, seeing that small patch of green that held so much hope and new beginnings once they come down. She could imagine her child running across the grass, chasing after butterflies or just feeling the sun on their face and they’d have no idea of the blood that lied under the sand, of the betrayal and the pain that coursed through the earth. At this point, everyone deserved some type of happy ending. They did survive the end of the world twice, and they were what was left of humanity.</p><p> </p><p>“Murphy and I were thinking if you’d want to be our child’s godfather. Echo is already the godmother. I hope Raven wouldn’t mind. Echo’s been such a big help to us, and we have no doubts that she’d be an amazing godmother.” Bellamy hums happily, nodding his head eagerly and giving Clarke a bright smile.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you and Murphy, huh? How did that even happen? He said you’re not together, but I saw your face. You were disappointed as soon as he said that. What’s really going on?” Clarke should’ve known that if anyone could read her better than she could, it would be Bellamy Blake.</p><p> </p><p>“I love him. I don’t know if he feels the same way. We started it as strictly casual, and we promised each other that there would be no feelings involved, but I guess I failed at that, right? It’s weird though, because everyone else I’ve fallen in love with it feels like a one-way street, and that I’ll always end up hurting, but I don’t care about that now. I’m just really happy with the way things are. I haven’t felt that in such a long time, and Murphy’s a big part of making me feel it, so I’m just really happy he’s there.” Bellamy looks at Clarke with warmth in his eyes, a small smile on his chiseled face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad. I think it’s due time that we all become happy. You especially. I’m grateful for Murphy that he’s been there to support you, because I’ve done a pretty shitty job at that. Honestly, Clarke. Just be happy, and don’t even worry about any of us. Your job now is to hold on to the family that you’re creating and to nurture it.” Clarke nods her head, a tear cascading down her cheek as her head rests on his broad shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>If Clarke had known that this would be them four months ago, she wouldn’t have believed it. In a way, Clarke had resolved herself to a state where she’s constantly hurting seeing the man she loved love someone else. So, now that her mind’s been cleared of anything romantic with Bellamy, she couldn’t deny that them being friends were the best thing that could ever happen. She couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if they split, because they were a team, and everything was better when they were on the same page.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re my family too, Bellamy. You all are. Maybe I lose sight of that sometimes, but everything I’ve ever done was for all of you.” Bellamy gives Clarke a small smile, nodding his head and then pulling her in for yet another bone crushing embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“Great, we should go back now unless we want others to worry. I just wanted to tell you again that I’m really happy for you, and for Murphy.”</p><p> </p><p>They head back to the others, the silence around them providing Clarke the much needed reprieve to gather her thoughts and recall the words that were said. Clarke never expected that to happen, nor to get that kind of reaction from her best friends, but she wouldn’t be one to complain. It seems as though everything is finally settling into place, and now that she has everyone to help her, they can finally figure out the hardest parts of her pregnancy: raising a child in space with not enough resources.</p><p> </p><p>If only nightblood worked, then maybe they could be living down there in the Valley. She still didn’t know why it hadn’t. Becca clearly was able to take off that helmet in the radiated world, and she was fine. Luna recovered from the burns, while the rest of her people died because they didn’t have the blood. Clarke clearly had the blood, so what went wrong?</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, are you okay?” Bellamy asks from beside her, noticing the look of concentration on her face.</p><p> </p><p>They stop in the hallway, Clarke leaning against the wall in deep thought. Bellamy follows suit on the opposite wall, waiting for Clarke to share her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m just thinking. It’s weird, because I don’t know why the nightblood didn’t work. I’m just wondering why it did for Becca, or Luna when they were exposed to the radiation. I mean, I was exposed to the radiation and while it did hurt me, I healed from it. What if, that was just the process like with Luna? What if, it was normal to react like that and then after that I’ll be fine?” Bellamy pauses, turning to face the woman with a look of apprehension.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like where this is going, Clarke. If you want to go down, I won’t let you. It’s not safe, definitely not for the baby, and you’d be alone.” Clarke shakes her head, her mind now finding possibilities of <em>why </em>it could be beneficial.</p><p> </p><p>“But that’s the thing, Bellamy. We don’t have the resources here to raise my child. We don’t have the X-rays, ultrasounds, or even the proper tools to perform a c-section if it has to come to that. We definitely can’t feed my child algae for the first few years of their life. They’re going to need the proper diet, the proper nutrition. Becca’s lab, it has everything. So, it’s either we risk the baby here, or there. That patch of green, it gives me hope. I haven’t felt that in a long time, and I feel like this time, it’s not just hope waiting for me down there.” Clarke replies, her voice hopeful as she looks up at Bellamy.</p><p> </p><p>“Clarke, you forget that I have a sister who, for sixteen years, no one knew even existed. My mother managed just fine on her own. And what about Murphy? He’s the father, shouldn’t he also get a say in this? You’re a family now, Clarke, and being parents means the <em>two </em>of you should decide what’s best for your family.”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke sighs. She does know that she’s overreacting over the whole baby ordeal, but that’s how she grew up. All her life, she was so used to mothers getting the care that they need, and as a self-proclaimed doctor, it was like going against what she stood for. Also, there was the issue that is John Murphy, and Clarke knows there would be no way Murphy would want to come down. He seems to be enjoying his life on the Ring, and he obviously couldn’t come down anyway since he didn’t have the blood. The blonde knew it would be a great risk. If she does survive down there, she’d have to deliver the baby by herself, and Clarke didn’t know if she’d be able to do that. But, it would be incredibly selfish to make Murphy go with her if he didn’t want to. Emori is here, and Clarke’s sure that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere without her— even if Emori’s now with Echo.</p><p> </p><p>“When the Ark came down, they took <em>everything. </em>That leaves us with <em>nothing. </em>What if something bad happens? I’m the only one with experience in that medical room, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be helpful given as I’d be the one in the bed. And Murphy, he’s not a Nightblood, so taking him with me is not even an option. As I said, I can’t do a bone marrow transplant without the proper tools. I’m just worried, because of all the things I’ve screwed up in my life, this isn’t something I don’t want to fail at. Just, give me a solution, and I’ll take it.” The blonde looks up at Bellamy, waiting for the right answer that Bellamy himself didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>This was something that Clarke and Murphy have put off talking about for weeks. Every time they ventured close to the topic, one of them would get flustered and change the topic. Now, it made sense why they were so apprehensive. Raising a child in space without even medicine for the flu, it would be extremely challenging, and no one was experienced enough to know how to handle it. If only her mother had been with them, and then maybe they wouldn’t be having this problem.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, you’re smart enough to know what’s good for you, and the baby, but think about Murphy too. Just promise me that you’ll decide together. I know you, Clarke. Once you decide on something, there’s no turning back on it, but you can’t with this one. There are a lot of factors to think about with what your thinking. You can’t just plunge in and expect everything to turn out the way you want it to. If you do decide on something, we’ll take it step-by-step. You’ve got some great minds with you. I’m sure Raven and Monty can help figure out a solution. As for Murphy, there’s something he didn’t tell you that you should know, given the circumstances. I’m not in the right to tell you, but just ask him.” Clarke looks at Bellamy confused, because him not ratting out something about Murphy is extremely rare, which must mean it’s something important.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. But, promise me that whatever we decide, you’ll support me on my decision.” Bellamy nods his head, and the two continue on to making their way back towards the group.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t speak any further— most likely letting that conversation marinate in their heads, but Clarke’s pretty sure there’s no talking her out of it. There’s something inside her, some primal need like how a person needs to eat when they’re hungry, <em>something </em>that’s telling her that there’s something down there for her. Call it superstition, or hormones, or the traumatic year finally catching up to her, but it is there, festering inside her and eating her up. It was like every solution to her problems were down there, waiting for her, and she just needed to get there.</p><p> </p><p>“There you guys are. I was starting to wonder if Clarke had finally managed to push you off of the ship. Slightly was hoping to see you floating by the window.” Murphy teases, and Clarke smiles amusingly, shaking her head as she makes her way back to her spot.</p><p> </p><p>Just as soon as Clarke settles herself down, Murphy puts his arm around her and squeezes her shoulder, looking down at her with a knowing gaze. He leans in close, and then whispers, “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Clarke nods her head, giving Murphy a small smile. Clarke turns back around to the group, and spots Raven looking at them with a ghost of a smile, pushing her eyebrows up and down to which Clarke teasingly rolls her eyes at.</p><p> </p><p>“So Clarke, when’s your due date?” Monty asks, and Clarke thinks for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“In six months.”</p><p> </p><p>The others visibly gasp, and Raven turns to her with betrayal while Harper and Monty turn towards each other with an ‘I knew it’ look.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean, you’ve been pregnant for three months, and only now did you decide to tell us? Not going to lie, Clarke. That hurts.” Raven responds, putting a hand to her chest in mock hurt, but Clarke could only smile.</p><p> </p><p>What Bellamy said about Murphy was nagging on her brain, and the curiosity to know what great secret they were hiding made her want to take the both of them back to their room and discuss it. Some part of her, or rather a big part of her, felt like she doesn’t have the right to demand an explanation from John, because why should he? Clarke was simply the woman he’d accidentally knocked up, so why should he tell her something that he’s managed to not tell her the past five months or so of their arrangement? But, a small part of her, the one who still held the leadership side of her, wanted to know. They were going to build a family together, and she deserved to know if it would affect their child.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, I’m getting pretty tired. Do you all mind if I turn in for the night?” The others murmured their agreement, and Murphy immediately stands up, as though he could already feel like she needed him— which she does.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this was a nice evening. Thanks for being supportive everyone. I love you all. Goodnight.” Clarke goes around the room, giving each of her friends a gentle hug while they whisper their congratulations and encouragement to her ears.</p><p> </p><p>The two walk back to their room, and in hindsight maybe they should’ve moved closer to the common room, because Clarke could not imagine her bloated, pregnant self walking back and forth every day.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I’m glad that worked out well. I mean, I knew it would. Your mom though? I don’t think not so much. Good thing you would’ve already given birth so she can’t not refuse being a grandmother right?” Murphy rambles out, his arm outstretched to Clarke as she holds onto it, though she could still walk fine on her own. She just liked being close to the man, and he didn’t seem to be objecting much to her almost leaning her entire body to him to the point where he could simply just carry her and make his life easier.</p><p> </p><p>“Relax. Even if she objects, there’s nothing she can do. I think I’m way past the point where I need to ask for permission.” Murphy smiles down at her, and Clarke responds with a grin of her own.</p><p> </p><p>Once they get to their room, Clarke silently sits down on the bed and looks up at Murphy, patting the spot beside her. The man quirks his eyebrows, tilting his head in confusion but sitting down beside her nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Bellamy told me that there’s something you’re keeping from me. I know I have no right to know, but if it’ll affect our baby, don’t you think that maybe I do have a right? I mean, the circumstances are already hard as it is, and I don’t need another surprise once I push this baby out and suddenly see horns growing out of their head.” Clarke teases, and Murphy gives a quiet chuckle, bumping her shoulder lightly with his own.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Clarke. I knew Bellamy would someday tell you, I just didn’t expect now. Don’t worry, though. You do have a right. Always. I just wish I had more time to properly gather the right words. Maybe if you could give me a few minutes, and a piece of paper so I can write out what you need to know. Do you have paper? What am I talking about. Of course you do.” Murphy rambles once more, and Clarke sighs, looking down at her intertwined hands and closing her eyes tightly for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what, it’s fine. Clearly, you’re not ready to tell me, and I really don’t want to force it out of you if you don’t want to. Soon, you are going to have to tell me though. But not now— I’ll give you the time you need, and when you’re ready, I’m all ears.”</p><p> </p><p>As Clarke says that, some part of her— the leader everyone always turned to every time a new problem comes up, wants to know now. It’s the urge to know everything and anything, because being a good leader means being prepared for anything that might happen. However, in space with six other people and not hundreds, this Clarke doesn’t have to know everything. In a way, there’s a certain lightness in not being burdened with everyone’s problems — as selfish as it is to say. She trusts Murphy, and she knows that he’ll tell her when he’s ready.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Clarke. I promise that I will tell you, soon.” Clarke smiles up at Murphy, and Murphy gives a small smile back, a hint of sadness in his eyes that the blonde couldn’t figure out.</p><p> </p><p>Murphy leans his head down, planting a soft kiss on Clarke’s lips. The blonde immediately perks up, because while kissing outside of sex had become common the past few weeks, it wasn’t a regularity that Clarke could get used to. So, she turns her body to the man, and wraps her arms around him, pressing her lips tighter against his. Murphy responds with just as much fervour, and soon they’re lips are moving together as their tongues dance in perfect synchrony.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke pulls Murphy tighter against her, and she leans back, her head lightly hitting the pillow below her. Murphy quickly pulls away, looking down at her with his tantalizing swollen lips and his bated breath. Clarke simply nods her head, grasping at the hem of Murphy’s shirt and slowly pulling it up.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? Didn’t you say you were tired?” Clarke smiles, loving the fatherly tone he gave, and shakes her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I was, but that doesn’t matter now.” Murphy smirks, leaning down again to press his lips against hers in a chaste kiss before pulling away to peel of his shirt and pants.</p><p> </p><p>“Well? I can’t be the only naked one here, Clarke.” The blonde giggles, proceeding to undress herself in just as much quickness as the man before her.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as her breasts were freed from her bra, Murphy immediately latches on to her nipples, pressing open mouthed kisses around the nipple. As soon as the prickliness of his barely there beard touched her skin, Clarke immediately jolted on the bed. Murphy quickly pulled away, looking down at her worriedly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. It’s just, it’s really sensitive. Just don’t go cra-OH!” Clarke stops mid-sentence as Murphy closes his mouth around her nipple, giving light sucks as he heads straight between her legs to feel her warm wetness.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Murphy.” Clarke breathes, and she could feel Murphy give a silent, triumphant sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it, baby. Make some noise. We don’t have to be quiet now, since they finally know I’ve been fucking you. I can’t wait until I can fuck you so hard your scream reverberates through the walls.” His words sends another jolt through Clarke’s spine, and she can feel herself becoming undone as Murphy’s finger continues to plunge inside her.</p><p> </p><p>As Clarke continues to ride through her orgasm, she reaches down to grasp at Murphy’s rock-hard member, letting the pre-cum wet her palms as she pumps up and down. Murphy gives out a moan, his head pressed against the side of her own as he bites teasingly at her ears.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, Murph. Fuck me.” Clarke whispers back, and Murphy takes a single second to align himself and enter into her gently.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as her walls are stretched by Murphy’s girth, a new sensation overcomes Clarke. It was so different, and so <em>good </em>that it alone made Clarke cum for the second time of the night.</p><p> </p><p>“God, did you cum already, Griffin?” Murphy teases, and Clarke simply surges up, locking his lips into her own to block out the moans coming out of her. All the while, Murphy bottoms out inside her.</p><p> </p><p>Once they pull away, another loud moan escapes Clarke as Murphy begins to draw back and then gently draw back in inside her, his mouth abusing Clarke’s sensitive breasts as his free thumb lays gentle circles around Clarke’s nub.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, Murphy. Please.” Clarke croaks out, all the sensations emanating from her body hitting her full-force, and Orgasm No.3 breaks out. Clarke grasps onto Murphy’s arm, clutching at his bicep tightly as she struggled to keep in the loud scream pushing to get out of her.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it, baby. You’re so good. So beautiful. Give me everything.” Murphy whispers into her ear, his voice quickening in pace as he rocks into her to reach his own climax.</p><p> </p><p>Clarke couldn’t hear anything, however, because her body was beginning to shut down from the over-simulation. She hadn’t felt this good in so long, and hearing Murphy’s deep, yet indiscernible voice wafting through her ears begins to lull her into a peaceful sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The last thing Clarke remembers is Murphy moaning loudly in her ear, pressing a kiss on her forehead, and then getting up to head to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Sleep tight, princess.” He whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How was the chapter? Did ya like? Did ya not like? </p><p>Also, I've decided that this fic will not be very steamy. Before i started writing this, this fic was honestly supposed to be 55% smut and 45% plot lol. But, as i continue to write these chapters, I realized that this wasn't something I think I can do a lot. I'm sorry if you guys are expecting smut on every other chapter or something! I really like the direction this story is going, and I don't want to throw myself into a loop trying to find every possible way I could squeeze sex in. </p><p>With that said, this is actually the last chapter I've pre-written, so I honestly can't promise that updates will be every week. I put a lot of pressure on my writing, and I can spend a day writing, and the rest of the week finding faults in it. So, please bare with me! Comments really do help a lot, and it's basically my creative juice lol. So, don't be shy!</p><p>I really hope you guys still love this story, and I hope you continue to support it! I love ya'll so much, and thanks for understanding!</p>
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